October 31, 2006

Canadian terror plot exposed

It's appropriate on Halloween to expose the myth behind a current story of terror.
Those pesky Canadians are claiming that Glasgow is an extremely dangerous place. It's obviously a ruse by the moose-shagging scamps to hobble Glasgow's (pop: 580,000) chances at landing the 2o14 Commonwealth Games (zzzz).
Glasgow's main rival in the bid is Halifax, Nova Scotia (pop: 22).
The furry-hatted secret task force from across the water were obviously quaking with terror at the paint-bombs going off at the Glasgow housing estate which was the venue for the current Sony Bravia ad.
The delicate souls are clearly behind the ASA complaints about the ad being too reminiscent of 9/11.
I'm therefore reluctant to attribute the complaints to the usual suspects (ad numpties) and point the finger of blame at Canada, where nothing much happens.
The perfect place for the Commonwealth Games, I'd say.

How to make a mint in movies, case study #133

Problem: What should we put on the poster to convince people that our new film is a quirky, gentle comedy about a Jewish kid?
Solution: Stick goggles and a snorkel on the goofy little fella.
That'll be £100K please.

Duck tales

There’s a mildly amusing collection of short viral films which feel like they’re seeking a reason to exist. A puppet duck banters with the punters in a bar, the most noteworthy of which is this one, because it features a blonde hottie talking about her panties.

Maybe these films are leading up to a brand revelation, in which case they’re being even subtler than Virgin Mobile’s peculiar Dog Judo films (which had no branding when they started).

Youtube films can be found here. There's also a Myspace profile.

Odd beer

This ad for Cobra beer, a favourite tipple in Britain's curry houses, is the subject of a Flickr query. It was spotted inside an underground carriage. The curious copy is explained here.

October 30, 2006

In case of cat attack

Unlikely but true: insurance ads can be funny. A couple of recent examples are Ameriquest and Bangkok Insurance, both recent winners at Cannes.
Here's a sweet example from Topdanmark which must be, er, Danish. Even without a translator on hand one can guess that the tagline must be something along the lines of "prepare for the unexpected." There is the slight chance it might mean "for emergency genital repair after cat attack." Actually, that would be pretty cool.

See also: Bike insurance ads must include spanking, obviously

Captain Ahab's Christmas list

I now know that the Audi A6 is unique because of its 9,621 patents (and that little organisation called NASA has only ever filed 6,509 of them - Audi told us so). I will therefore be putting this swanky looking motor at the top of next week's shopping list.
It's this shot, right at the end of the latest TV ad that sold it to me:
The image is a little hard to make out, but after the patent pant-wetting claim, the A6 is seen plunging into the ocean. My plan to take over the world, you see, will be made a lot easier when my monkey hordes are armed with submarine cars.
However, someone at Audi needs to get onto the phone to their lawyers, because it looks like one of their patents may have been nicked by someone with a unique Ford Ka conversion plan. Yes, if you're going to make a submarine car, then at least make it look like it can swim:
I've got to get me one of these.

Image from KillerKa
Audi's agency: BBH

Tags: Motor; TV ads

October 27, 2006

Research is hungry work

This qualitative research lark is knackering. Having been on the streets interviewing, and without having had a break all day, I asked the scantily clad monkeygirls if they had anything to share.
Nothing but my…

said one.

OK, I agreed, and in return you can have a nibble of my

No thanks, she replied, Quite frankly, I’m not in the mood; what I really need is a refreshing

Be careful, said the other scantily clad monkeygirl to me, last time you made a right mess after you refused a piece of

Is that a rocket in your pocket?

Breathlessly tagged as "the best ad ever", this historic piece of macho bad taste is perfectly pitched for the type of person who enjoys the thought of dispensing a small taste of all-American Armageddon upon the godless and angry people with beards.
Being a peace-loving sort, I'd rather stick to using harsh language.

Tags: Press / outdoor ads; Violence

October 26, 2006

This is not funny

It's very, very, very bad to laugh at this, especially in the light of the previous post, but...

Tags: Media; Violence

Does this offend you?

Here’s the BBC’s take on the latest assault upon advertising by frightened ad numpties. People complained because a naked woman sitting under a lemon tree, advertising shower gel, looked like she could be under 16.
The ASA upheld the complaints and the advertiser, Cussons, had to either withdraw or radically alter the ad.
Stories like this give me an irrational urge to do something violent, like rip up a paper bag. I daren’t do that because, well, the paper might be the wrong colour or something and I’ll be hauled up before some new fangled tribunal for being a paperist, racist or some other -ist.
Rome’s decline was said to have been preceded by a period of decadence and I can see that happening here, where every sodding half-wit numpty has the power to prevent something or other because of a perceived wrongness. Bad English that, I know, but that’s OK in these days of moral relativism where one man’s / woman’s / transsexual’s red line is another’s green light.
So… it’s now wrong for an adult woman to look like she’s younger? Sorry but, ahem, I thought that’s the line the world’s beauty industry has been selling to women for decades. Somehow I can’t imagine that the nation’s paedophiles are crumpled before their VCRs wanking to a fucking 10-second lemon shower gel ad. If that’s the fear, then we should banish every single image of kids wearing swimsuits in clothing catalogues.
As it happens, there is something I find offensive about the woman in the ad. She sounds drunk.

In the interests of research, I dispatched a brace of scantily clad monkeygirls to find a typical ad numpty, and ask his opinion:
“Whaaa….? Feck’n shower y’say? Feck off. Dwanner feck’n shower ye cheeky feck’n fecker. Tha’ girl needs feck’n fattnin’ up. Girls today’r tae feck’n skinny. Gimme ten pined ferra feck’n sandwich ye feck’n feck.”

Other news: Tesco removes kids’ pole dancing kit from supermarket shelves


This is one of the best Freudian slips I've heard in ages. It's from BBC Scotland, Tuesday. With war and pestilence let loose on the planet, Britain's media is obsessing over the McCartney / Mills divorce.

Spotted on b3ta

Here's my finger

This sloppily-reported story reveals that one of the rather innocuous Bishops Finger ads has been banned after a numpty complained about its appearance in Time Out Magazine. The ASA banned it after a solitary complaint (and the ad has been running for nearly five months).
I do however like this particular challenge by the ASA to the brewer, Shepherd Neame:

whether the headline text “I love a good session on the Bishops Finger” encouraged excessive drinking.
Which isn’t as I had interpreted it i.e.
whether the headline text “I love a good session on the Bishops Finger” encouraged excessive masturbation.
Here’s the offending item.

See also: Pull my finger

Agency: JWT

October 25, 2006

Pete Doherty's plan to avoid the press

Tags: Celebrities; Media

M&S dish up drool-worthy dinners

Unless my banana risotto is served up on time, the butler is saddled with a trip into town to fetch my dinner from Marks & Spencer. That’s the terrible price he pays every time the retailer unleashes yet another of its scandalously tempting food porn ads on the telly. Of course it’s worse when looking at these images on the 100-inch plasma high def screen installed in my drawing room; you could row a boat across the lake of drool emanating from my salivating jaws.
A couple of weeks ago Sam Cartmel of The Red Brick Road committed* a superb hatchet job on this and previous spots from the campaign.

I can only disagree; Rainey Kelly Campbell’s ads for M&S are a prime example of TV advertising at its most basic: showing off the product at its best, accompanied by a sultry eat-me-or-shag-me voiceover. If ad recall and sales are up, who’s going to complain?
Not M&S.

*Adwatch, Marketing magazine, 4/10/06
Agency: RKCR/Y&R

In the interests of research, I dispatched a brace of scantily clad monkeygirls to find a typical ad numpty, and ask his opinion:

monkeygirls m&s
"This ad represents all that is wrong with British society. Just look at that pie. The brown filling topped by the pale crust is subtly reinforcing the domination of our immigrant communities by the white aristocracy. The potato, invented by and stolen from the Irish, represents the land which was invaded by the British Empire. Red wine? The blood of the working classes. And as for that pudding, well it’s obviously celebrating a thousand years of institutionalised child abuse. This sort of pudding was eaten in Victorian times during the reign of Queen Margaret Thatcher. In those days the English used to nail working class children to the walls by their ears and force them to paint the inside of chimneys with dolphin fat. I bet the woman doing the voiceover isn’t even wearing a veil. I will be complaining."

October 24, 2006

Mustard with your curtains, ma'am?

One of the week's little pleasures is waiting for the email scandal sheets from Holy Moly and Popbitch to drop into my inbox. A lot of the content is rubbish, but occasionally there's a little pearl in the dung heap.
Last week's Holy Moly featured this astounding example of radio stupidity demonstrated by a provincial DJ.

For those of you unfamiliar with British slang, these (NSFW) are beef curtains.

An ad that really sucks

Two concepts that really shouldn't go together: liposuction and advertising.

October 23, 2006

October 20, 2006


...except for the USA.

"Online gaming firms are facing major upheaval with the passage of a new law effectively making internet gambling illegal in the US." - BBC
Tags: Press / outdoor ads

October 19, 2006


Oh wow. Another sodding Bravia ad, which I’m not going to link to, thank you very much. I wonder if the paint bombs were powered by Sony batteries.

How the first Bravia ad was made
Pic courtesy of b3ta.

Tags: TV ads

Don’t just blame the Marlboro Man

It’s a curious coincidence that the announcement of the online publication of the
complete works of the Creationists’ Antichrist, Charles Darwin, comes on the same day as press reports about a new book, The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived. The subtitle, “How characters of fiction, myth, legends, television, and movies have shaped our society, changed our behavior, and set the course of history”, says almost all you’d need to know about the book. I say almost, because the Amazon blurb makes it clear that the list is the creation of its three authors, and not the result of a poll.
It’s pretty standard newspaper filler, suitable for pub arguments and little else (certainly not worth forking out your hard-earned cash).
There’s the droll revelation that Marlboro Man is number 1 because his biggest influence on society has been to cause the death of millions from cancer, although I’d argue that Ronald McDonald is a bigger villain because of his appeal to children.
But it is curious why this admittedly subjective list doesn’t include the character in whose name people have been tortured and killed consistently since, oh, Old Testament times.
Of course this would render the book unacceptable to believers, but the omission of God from this edition of the book renders it just as invalid to atheists.

The top ten reads: The Marlboro Man; Big Brother; King Arthur; Santa Claus; Hamlet; Dr Frankenstein's Monster; Siegfried; Sherlock Holmes; Romeo and Juliet; Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

Tags: Books

October 18, 2006

Mine's a double Giraffe & T, nurse

Oh wow – two of my favouritest things in the world are combined in this ad for Gordon’s Gin: alcohol and giraffes. And very cute looking giraffes too. No way am I letting the monkeygirls loose on this one. I won’t tolerate any ad numpty dissing the giffs.
The ad’s a simple but effective ruse by agency BBH to cement the concept of there just being one gin, and it's the brand with the big G.
Gordon’s is the market leader in gin, after all, so supposedly what they’re saying is that having any other gin brand with tonic is ridiculous.
By heck I’m thirsty now.

Click image to play the video

Tags: FMCG; Giraffes; TV ads

You mean people do THAT in hotels?!

Bravo to this hotel in Thailand, who suggest the best use of its honeymoon suite in this promotional pic. A peculiar part of the blurb reads "It is ideal for a family or a group of friends". Hopefully not at the same time.

October 17, 2006

Bike insurance ads must include spanking, obviously

I've been keeping this viral campaign on a backburner for a while, because I know how sensitive much of my readership is.
But I figure the time is right, and it's for your own good to see how sexist advertising can be, so watch closely and learn.
This video offering is from Bennetts, a British motorbike insurance company. For some reason, it is full of semi-naked women spanking each other. Don't ask me why.
(Possibly Not Safe For Work)

If you are capable of bearing more of these awful, terrible images, then the Bennetts Babes also star in ads called "Bounce-A-Thong" (semi-naked women on a bouncy castle) and "Water Palaver" (semi-naked women on a bouncy castle with water pistols).

October 16, 2006

Seeing is believing

David Blunkett, British ex-Home Secretary and serial shagger. He also happens to be... er... how shall I put this?... blind.
Irony or error from the channel that presents us with Masturbation Week and Nun Sex?

Tags: Media; Politics; Press / outdoor ads

Making a monkey out of the creatives

Here is an absolute gem from YouTube, from a TV programme I remember seeing a few years ago. Derren Brown is an illusionist and mind trickster - a bit like David Blaine but lower key. His forte is "perceptual manipulation", and this is one of the best examples of his work, where he makes a couple of advertising creatives look a little less clever. It's a superb lesson in subliminal advertising. The last minute of the piece is the real killer.

The pride of Britain

And so I decided to let a couple of the scantily clad monkeygirls out of their luxury cage to practice their interview techniques. Their brief was to identify likely candidates for a focus group sponsored by a top colostomy bag manufacturer.

October 13, 2006

October 12, 2006

Like a painter's radio

Bo’ Selecta! is a scatalogical comedy series from Britain’s Channel 4 that many people didn’t understand or found too outrageous. In other words, it was always destined to be a cult hit. Most sketches involve ginger scamp Leigh Francis goofing around in atrocious masks, impersonating celebs of varying stature.
Here are some trailers for the new series, Bo’ in the USA. Check out the interview with Jenny McCarthy to get a flavour of The Bear, easily Francis’ rudest, funniest character. Very very NSFW

October 11, 2006

I can't see no duck

This happy picture is currently zapping around by email. I don't know the publication.
The photo is just crying out to be nicked by Specsavers, or some sharp insurance company.

Tags: Violence

Conference call prep goes tits-up

This video has been causing some merriment here, especially amongst those of us who have ever made video conference calls. The action seems too natural for this to be a spoof. Keep an eye on the woman in the top left segment.

October 10, 2006

Where you now, Hans Brix? Ha ha ha ha!!!

Sun 10/10/06
You’ve got to love The Sun, which can’t make up its mind whether it’s a serious newspaper or a comic. Today's headline makes an oblique reference to a risible X-Factor-style TV programme.
North Korea’s midget tyrant has spent a fortune on nuclear weaponry while his people are dying because they have too little to eat. Meanwhile his two main critics, the US and Britain, are run by tyrants whose people are dying because they’re eating too much.
And they called Team America a comedy.

Tags: Evil; Media; Politics

Using the dreamy foxy propaganda chick

Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I take an instant, visceral, irrational dislike to people in ads. For example, there’s a little twerp in a Dassault Systems ad that I might take aim at in a future post (if I can be arsed), whom I may not have noticed were it not for its continuous airing. But enough of that.
My current victim is this innocent model, who somehow turns an ad with a vague point into something without any point at all.
Who is this dreamy foxy chick? Is her life so empty that she’s fantasising over switching her account to another high street bank? Is she a Lloyds worker, dreaming of her next enthusiastic customer?
I don’t know, and I don’t care, because the dreamy foxy chick pose is a ridiculous distraction, probably foisted upon some unfortunate junior creative at Rainey Kelly Campbell. It really is composition-by-numbers; the pose is a lazy propaganda trick that’s as old as Lenin’s cat, e.g.:
In fact, having taken two random recent examples of print ads featured on CMM News, you can see how easy it is to insert a dreamy propaganda chick.

It also doesn’t help that as one of their long-standing customers, I eventually realised that Lloyds is a rubbish bank anyway.

Tags: Press / outdoor ads

October 09, 2006

Missing canoeists

Bloody well eaten by crocodiles, that's where.

Advertiser: Australian Tourist Commission
Agency: M&C Saatchi

October 06, 2006

Bounced out

A miasma of indifference falls across the basement this Friday afternoon. The monkeygirls are drowsing on their cushions. Time then for a little unprovoked xenophobic ad history. Digging through my archives I chance upon this classic from 1989. It’s one of WCRS’s greatest moments, and a prime bit of German bashing.

As if to prove this wasn’t an isolated incident, check out a later Carling / bouncing bomb ad, plus some of the superbly naughty Spitfire press ads here.
This is bound to upset somebody. Oh well.

Political numpty tells monkeygirl: take off your mask

We take our politics very seriously down here in the busy media basement. It is only a matter of time until the chimps take over. Until then, it is up to my monkey troops to tread carefully.
The current media furore is not of my making. When I dispatched one of my scantily-clad monkeygirls to interview a typical vote-catching political numpty (for one of my other media channels), she obliged when he requested that she remove her monkey mask.
Being able to see mouths and noses would lead to true "face-to-face" conversations with his interviewers, claimed Lord Numpty. “It is clear that scantily clad monkeygirls only dress this way so that men will stare at their breasts.”

October 05, 2006

Get 'em out for the lads

From the cheap 'n cheerful end of the viral spectrum comes this titillating little video for the swanky Casio Exilim Digital Camera. The brand has had some slick European TV advertising. This film certainly doesn't fall into that category.
See more on the product page (and download as wmv or mov)

Via The Marketing Blog

October 04, 2006


Well, it's been a while since my last chimp-related post...

Spotted on b3ta (mostly NSFW)

Sing for your beer

Famous Rob, writing from the depths of his ad-pit, comments on the latest John Smiths campaign. It’s true that it’s not as funny as the previous work featuring Northern comic Peter Kay but as Rob points out, the new work does show some potential. Aimed at an older audience, it has elements of grumpy old man syndrome that’ll appeal to old farts who prefer to savour their pint (like me). I live in hope of getting some real laughs from this new approach.
But will it beat the Kay ads? Not on your nelly. I was rather pleased to find on YouTube the very rude viral version of one of the Kay TV ads.

Here’s the TV version:

And here’s the viral version:

Others from this campaign include
Top Bombing; Mum; ‘Av it (the one Nike complained about because they thought Kay’s line was taking the piss out of their “Just Do It” tag); ...and my personal favourite, Engelbert Humperdinck.

Agency: TBWA/London

Tags: Celebrities; TV ads; Viral

October 03, 2006

October 02, 2006

de flappen klappen

The title of this post is the best description I could find on Google when looking for more info on this jaw-dropping viral. I'll just leave it at that while I recover.

The ad is really for an Israeli viral agency, AddictAD.

Thievery corporation

Here's a fascinating new website guaranteed to encourage rage at big business. You Thought We Wouldn't Notice monitors design rip-offs, where small-time designers have had their creations copied by corporations without any acknowledgement. Some of the thieves aren't exactly huge, but it's a fine illustration of the lack of scruples that businesses of any size will employ in their quest to make a fast buck.
This is a trip into the murky world of intellectual property rights, something which will hardly cover the works of "anonymous" artists such as the infamous Banksy whose daubings are probably illegal anyway.
The site is still new, but is well worth checking out from time-to-time if you want to know whose goods you might want to boycott.

Tags: Bigging-up; Culture; Evil