May 10, 2007

The great advertising diamond conspiracy

I've had a few odd comments in my email inbox about my staff. "Where are the scantily clad monkeygirls?" asks one. Another enquires "Have you fired Dave?"
The diplomatic silence was necessary because of very sensitive investigations.
International underground chimpanzee media monitoring centres don't just run themselves, you know. The money has to come from somewhere. I have the secret monkey army to train, and a propaganda campaign to manage (thanks to one of my US-based sleeper agents for spotting one of my projects).
After one of my African diamond mines went off-line, the no-longer-scantily-clad monkeygirls went undercover to discover the whereabouts of an entire month's output, but not before the value of my diamond stocks took a hit.
All I will say is that Dave, you traitorous teddy bear, if you are reading this then I'm on to you. Did you think we wouldn't notice this remarkable coincidence?
Both appeared in the same week.
You can almost hear the copywriters groan.

Fairy: "We've got a load of diamonds to shift, how can we relate a completely irrelevant commodity to washing up liquid?"

Smirnoff: "Comrade Davidovich instructs us to dump these rocks onto the decadent Western consumer. What do diamonds have in common with vodka?"


Anonymous said...

I have plausible deniability when it comes to confirming or denying involvement.

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