Wuff treatment

via

Bang!vertising

See those tiny grey marks on this advertising blimp? That's yer angry locals firing shotguns at it, that is. Very un-English behaviour. I think they need bigger guns.

Why sometimes, just sometimes, I really love this country

A cracking "Title" drop down menu from the ROH.

Spotted on Ben Goldacre's (author of one of my favourite books of the year, Bad Science) delicious feed.

One dog, broken

My weekend off-topic ticklement from b3ta.

And just opposite the church...

not really, but found on Flickr

because he has nothing better to do

via

The great Nigella advertising excuse

This video has a desperately tenuous connection to the purpose of this blog, but I could stretch it by roping in the marketing machine behind Nigella and the fact that she's married to one of the giants of the British advertising industry.
That's the boring stuff out of the way - now enjoy England's poshest rose talking filthy like a fallen fishwife.

See also:
Sweet and creamy;
500th post: agency anecdote

Biter bit

Real headline from BBC

And my real name is

So the landlord had just poured me another pint to help me celebrate my 18th birthday when I felt a tap on my elbow. Here was this stunning woman with mischief in her eyes. "Hello," she said, "my friends call me Carmen. That's because I like cars and men."
I shook her hand and replied "Pleased to meet you. My name's Charlie Beercunt".

Watch the dog

I think I might save weekend posts for off-topic rubbish that makes me laugh (plus, that's the time when I plunge into the b3ta site - the best place to find this stuff).
Watch the dog.

One day this boy's gonna grow up and twat his little brother

For some reason I had the urge to watch a YouTube video I'd first seen over a year ago. The utterly astounding thing is that this innocuous event in two children's lives has now been viewed over 67 million - yes MILLION - times. That's equal to the population of the UK. Question: just how do you bottle this and get a client to pay for it?
The guy who made this is selling T-shirts based on the video, for heaven's sake!

See also: Politics and children don't mix

RT - just one letter away from Car Crash

Blimey, you don’t see many of these any more.
This ad has been haunting the Sky channels for several weeks reminding me just how good Sky News really is. It’s for Russia Today, a satellite news channel which I checked out this morning to find 15 minutes of features about tractors and wood, all delivered in somebody’s idea of an American accent.
The astounding thing about this video is that it’s even bothering with the Butterfly Effect as a means of differentiating the channel from the mass of others available on satellite TV.
I mean, when do these rolling news channels ever have the inclination or the resources to pursue the origins of a topic to its convoluted and largely irrelevant source? Mind you, their wood story this morning was pretty detailed, and there was a peasant in it wearing some smart shoes, which was nice.
You wouldn’t see that on the BBC.

Someone feels like a right Planck

Seriously, this journal is in my To Read pile but I never seem to get round to picking it up. Honest.

However, some of that respect has been tarnished now that it transpires that the high-brow science publication MaxPlanckForschung (translation: Phwoooarr Look At The Big Brains On That) had, on its latest cover a seemingly innocuous piece of Chinese poetry which later turned out to be an advert for a brothel.
Real translation:

With high salaries, we have cordially invited for an extended series of matinées
KK and Jiamei as directors, who will personally lead jade-like girls in the spring of youth,
Beauties from the north who have a distinguished air of elegance and allure,
Young housewives having figures that will turn you on;
Their enchanting and coquettish performance will begin within the next few days.

Even so, that's kind of classy.

via Pharyngula

Mind the friction burns

In advertising there’s smut and there’s smut, the difference being that when the message is delivered skilfully the fleshploitation becomes excusable. And then there’s the smut that you feel is just thrown in there because some sad old fart wants to justify sitting in a cloud of oestrogen.
There’s bound to be some kind of psychological description of that thing that happens when you’ve been caught doing something that’s slightly embarrassing and you try to mask it by exaggerating the infraction. A bit like a Tory MP caught with his trousers down on Clapham Common “Oh sorry officer, this knob? I was just examining it for ticks.”
And so to this questionable Danish (?) ad. Just why is there so much boobage? Why the awfully unimaginative soundtrack? Why does it have to run for nearly 3 minutes? And why does it remind me of that Boogie Pimps video?

Pervie Pimps



Boogie Pimps

Danish smut found on Illegal Advertising

Deception’s Futile, Stupid

I can’t help but laugh at the daftness of last week’s revelation that the frickin’ awful DFS ad – the one that kills any future enjoyment of Nickelback’s Rock Star – has CG’d oversized images of its furniture behind the Please Slap Me Now idiots miming before the camera.
Exactly what is it about furniture TV advertising that requires the genre to be the last word in naffness? With rival MFI Sale Now On finally closing down, maybe it’s time for DFS to corner the market. They could even make inroads into, say, plasma TVs, to give away as compensation for all those viewers driven so insane by its advertising that they’ve flung heavy objects at the screen.

See also: Bob Dylan will be spinning on his sofa

Bennetts biker babes bucking before buckets belabour bikinis

Wikipedia explains that the origin of the oath "Gordon Bennett" lies in the behaviour of a 19th century playboy of that name.
It therefore came as a pleasant surprise to read on the CV of a certain insurance website that in 1930 this company was "Founded by Gordon Bennett in Coventry and provided general insurance for customers". This is a prime example of life imitating art for Bennetts Insurance is the firm whose advertising gimmick is guaranteed to encourage the utterance of several oaths. Yes, this is the specialist in motorbike cover who generate videos of semi-undressed logo-clad girls spanking each other, jumping on bouncy castles and fighting it out with water pistols.
Maybe it says something about Britain's motorbiking demographic that they are targeted using Bennetts' cunning boob-rich marketing strategy, but it must work - the company claims over 200,000 UK customers.
Here are the company's icons in action once again in their latest viral. In the interests of road safety research, four of them compete to stay on a bucking bike. The bikinis and buckets of water add to the realism but damn it, why aren't they wearing helmets?

What?

This terrible joke was recycled from Popbitch

Want to sea some tits? (130,000 of them)

I’m still trying to figure how a serious RSS feed I’ve set up to include only stories about monkeys in advertising has managed to churn out this story from Australia: More than 130,000 inflatable breasts have been lost at sea. It’s something to do with free gifts for Ralph, an Aussie men’s magazine. If you see any news stories about rises in ocean oestrogen levels caused by untreated sewage, then be sceptical when you see dolphins wearing comedy tits.

Off-topic: Small things that improve religion, #23

The Chimpometer S89 detects casual racism and paedophiles up to 500 yards

This Nikon work from Euro RSCG Singapore is weirdly disturbing and shows a breathtaking lack of imagination.
The snapshot from Paedophile Towers gives me the willies, but not in a good way. OK to stare at if you are a teenager who should be revising for exams, but otherwise just too darn creepy. Why is there a boy hiding behind the curtains? Why aren’t these girls at school? If only Sony would come along and blow this place up with paint bombs. Now THAT would challenge Nikon’s facial recognition widget.
As if our own racial stereotyping of Indians dancing for industrially produced emetic sauces wasn’t bad enough, here’s something straight out of Tintin’s Guide To Spotting Dangerous Natives Of Indeterminate Race.
I’m surprised the hidden chaps from Indiana Jones’ central casting don’t have bones through their noses.

Pics from Coloribus

Don't bash the Bishop

Muchee likee these smutty Bishops Finger ads by JWT (via AdsOfTheWorld), which are cleverer than the country wench work previously pimping the brand (Here's my finger; Pull my finger). It's a nice play on the brand name even if it does conjure disturbing images of priapic clergymen.
The connection between beer and slobbering over women will no doubt garner the usual gaggle of numptyist complaints. As recent big media stories have shown, the great British public, emasculated by a shitty economy and a genetic inability to protest properly (unlike the French, who aren't afraid to burn the odd sheep to get their point across), enjoy nothing more than writing angry letters or leaving irate voicemail messages. Christ, we're a scary bunch when we're riled.

Admiral Akbar’s School of Dangerness: Uncle Ben’s

Beware the danger of glass containers with strange looking liquids. Many are cunningly designed to appeal to Standard White Housewives, especially Types 3-5, (those most commonly found in kitchens) whilst maintaining her domestic breeding unit.


Upon opening said container, colourfully-clad ethnic stereotypes will detect the interaction of liquid and air, even when on the other side of the planetary body. Said ethnics can usually be found dancing in front of a recognisable landmark. Observe here that ethnics facing left are in safe mode.

Ethnic stereotypes facing right have been activated.

A typical accessory of the Standard White Housewife is the Useless Husband. His sole purpose is to stand beside spouse and annoy.

To some, this sight is appealing.

Some ethnic stereotypes are heavily associated with overcrowded trains. Do not allow this to deceive you. Our spies inform us of the existence of a stable matter transference unit that allows ethnic stereotypes to travel several thousand miles in an instant. These people are not to be trifled with.

Useless Husband can be utilised if in Carry Object Mode.

This is not a bowl of vomit.



Late detection of incursion is possible by observing the environment. Note red letterbox and black taxi.

Other clues might include taxi driver saying “cor blimey guvna”, red buses and cheerful chimney sweeps. The invasion force is near.

This is the point of maximum danger. The combined breeding unit is in Feed Mode.

Useless Husband hears a noise. The Proximity Alert at the breeding unit’s domestic access point has been activated. This is the critical moment.


MAJOR FAILURE OF THE USELESS HUSBAND!



Ethnic Stereotypes have infiltrated the breeding unit’s territory!
Unprepared, the domestic breeding unit is surrounded by forces outnumbering them three to one!


Decency prevents the depiction of the resulting carnage.


The circle is complete. The four elements of the domestic breeding unit have been recycled.

More: First draft: Visa “Running Man”

Oooh look at the ickle car

Taking a cue from last week’s Charlie Brooker rant against advertising, here’s a prime example of an agency surfing the internet to use someone else’s ideas. Was artist Keith Loutit credited by RKCR/Y&R for their Landrover Discovery work? Whatever the answer, you can’t look at the ad and say “ooh that’s clever” and give the agency all the creative kudos.
Here’s an example of Loutit’s work.

More here.

Originally spotted on Boing Boing.