December 01, 2008

Admiral Akbar’s School of Dangerness: Uncle Ben’s

Beware the danger of glass containers with strange looking liquids. Many are cunningly designed to appeal to Standard White Housewives, especially Types 3-5, (those most commonly found in kitchens) whilst maintaining her domestic breeding unit.

Upon opening said container, colourfully-clad ethnic stereotypes will detect the interaction of liquid and air, even when on the other side of the planetary body. Said ethnics can usually be found dancing in front of a recognisable landmark. Observe here that ethnics facing left are in safe mode.

Ethnic stereotypes facing right have been activated.

A typical accessory of the Standard White Housewife is the Useless Husband. His sole purpose is to stand beside spouse and annoy.

To some, this sight is appealing.

Some ethnic stereotypes are heavily associated with overcrowded trains. Do not allow this to deceive you. Our spies inform us of the existence of a stable matter transference unit that allows ethnic stereotypes to travel several thousand miles in an instant. These people are not to be trifled with.

Useless Husband can be utilised if in Carry Object Mode.

This is not a bowl of vomit.

Late detection of incursion is possible by observing the environment. Note red letterbox and black taxi.

Other clues might include taxi driver saying “cor blimey guvna”, red buses and cheerful chimney sweeps. The invasion force is near.

This is the point of maximum danger. The combined breeding unit is in Feed Mode.

Useless Husband hears a noise. The Proximity Alert at the breeding unit’s domestic access point has been activated. This is the critical moment.


Ethnic Stereotypes have infiltrated the breeding unit’s territory!
Unprepared, the domestic breeding unit is surrounded by forces outnumbering them three to one!

Decency prevents the depiction of the resulting carnage.

The circle is complete. The four elements of the domestic breeding unit have been recycled.

More: First draft: Visa “Running Man”


Anonymous said...

man, that's twisted

Unknown said...

useless feed-lot grown husband.

Agent Orange said...

I wouldn't have an Uncle Ben's product in the house. Have you ever tried that rice stuff ?