September 24, 2007

Sweet and creamy

Holy Mary, there she was again, crushing garlic cloves in a way that guaranteed a boob shot. Plenty of "Mmmmms" and "I love the way it bulges over the sides" and "Look at the way the cream dribbles."
Nigella Lawson's up to her food porn tricks again, aided by a shaky-handed cameraman with an overactive zoom lens.
Still, I'm not complaining, although I always take a dislike to the imported friends populating her garden who always seem to have just popped in. Funny how hubby Charles Saatchi is never there too. Apparently he hates her cooking. I'm not kidding.
There's definitely a bit more of Nigella on the screen this year, which is good. But there's also a little bit too much of something else. One of tonight's recipes involved tipping a pile of chicken thighs into a pan. Was that a flash of Waitrose on the packet? What? Not the same Waitrose that's owned by John Lewis? Not the same John Lewis that stocks Nigella Lawson Bread Bins, Nigella Lawson Measuring Spoons and a handful of other Nigella Lawson goodies that look remarkably like the utensils stocking the kitchen? Not the same kitchen from which Nigella presents her BBC (advertising-free, according to the rules) show?
Well, what the heck, I'm not complaining cos I've got a soft spot for Nigella, especially as she officially an enemy of the numpty public. Apparently, Nigella's recipes are too complicated and her writing style too clever for your average Brit-educated fuckwit. That just shows you how far we've fallen.
Don't ask me why I was there, but I happened to be in a Tesco Express in Basildon (pikey capital of Essex) at the weekend, when it struck me that there is a good measure for the general fuckwittedness of an area.
It works like this. Patrol the supermarket aisles, particularly those that stock home cooking staples such as flour, oils and so forth. Work out the average number of people in these aisles.
Then go to the ready meals aisle and count.
In Basildon the ratio was about 15:2 in favour of the spotty chavs piling their trolleys with 4-minute microwave meals. Somehow I can't imagine these fuckers know how to hold a cookery book, let alone try and read it.
Nigella, keep using the long words.

See also: 500th post: agency anecdote

3 comments:

Will said...

And did you notice the cheeky Peroni bottles - not once, but twice in consecutive shows.

(Yes, I had nothing better to do but watch crap TV either).

Toad said...

And if she's too complicated for your people, imagine what the American public will make of her.

Scamp said...

Nigella is soooooooooooooo hot