"but Officer..."

First, throttle your wife.

Big floppy ears, but still vermin

You can see what's happening here, can't you? Those pesky Argentinian Y&R scamps thought we'd see ickle bunnies frolicking harmlessly on the Teletubbie lawn (more here). "Aaaaaah", we're supposed to coo.
Wrong. It's a bleedin' waste, that's what I see. Rabbits are vermin, 'tis true, but they're also an abundant source of low fat meat, delicious in pies and stews.
Here in England there's a slow realisation that another form of vermin, grey tree rats, are even more destructive than bastard bunnies.
I have seen squirrel pie on the menu. Let's eat them all and let the little British red squirrel reclaim the trees. Mind you, that's probably racist talk, that.
I like badgers.
This is wrong:



See also: Go bunnies

They'se well hard core with all pockets and shit

You'd get better English out of a monkey, speaking to the average British youth today. My teen chimplet listens in dismay at the received pronunciation of BBC newsreaders from as recently as the '70s when those interminable Channel 4 list shows appear on the telly. It's as if they were talking Martian.
Speaking correctly is for losers (cue thumb and forefinger "L" on forehead). "I was like, yannar wotimean, innit" litters teen sentences like a massacre at Grange Hill.
This is why I love this Armstrong & Miller sketch (first shown on TV last week), with WW2 pilots in cut-glass English accents using modern "street language".


There's another one here too.
Whatever.

See also: The bi-annual outing of the Inglish brigade

Gay babies

The Times describes the furore caused by this poster and press ad initiated by the Tuscany regional government in a bid to combat anti-gay descrimination.
So long as paternalistic mind viruses originating from centuries-dead desert philosophers continue to steer prejudices, then there will always be a need for campaigns like this.
The Vatican is pissed off, thus proving my point.
However, anyone wishing to follow the great chimp god and his holy giraffe is welcome in my church, whatever the nature* of their physical manifestation.


*straight, gay, bi-, tri-, trans-, white, pink, green, brown, purple, tartan, black, orange, grey, polka, alive, dead, animal, vegetable, mineral, Daily Mail readers, left-handed, unipod, duocephallic, the smell of freshly cut grass, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, postmen, firemen, milkmen, cybermen, policemen; their wives, chocolate, bubblewrap etc.

Something for the kiddies

Perfect halloween clobber.
via

See also:
Is it Hallowe'en yet?

Vandal twatted by mum

There's very odd behaviour on show here, from the domestic graffiti, to the maternal violence and criminal dancing. But this is Egypt, after all.

Guilty agency: Leo Burnett.

See also: Those Saudis know how to have a good laugh

Choc, boobs, choc, boobs

A Nun is in the bath when there's a knock on the bathroom door.
"Who is it?" shouted the Nun
"The blind man" came the reply
The Nun tells him to enter, knowing he wouldn't be able to see her in all her glory because he's blind.
He walks in and says "Nice pair of tits, where do you want the blinds?"

Characteristic Down Under fare from DDB Sydney

ABC

There's nothing particularly wrong with this campaign from Leagas Delaney, for a brand that has been in the UK for a number of years but appears to be positioning itself as new, and authentic Italian. It just amuses me that it reads just like a zillion examples from all the basic advertising manuals from the last 50 years: Find one thing that appears unique about the product; suggest that this feature makes it superior to all of its competitors.
After all, I have never considered the thinness of pasta to be an issue. The British pasta revolution angle does seem rather clumsy though. Didn't they learn from Trident?

Chimp does charity

Here's my good deed for the, er, year. Much of my charitable work includes working with distressed giraffes, but sometimes I like to stretch to something really worthy. Here's an admirable spoof beer PSA from a budding film maker. That she happens to be a babe is purely coincidental. Come on, give her points for having a go.

Did he just say "Insight" ?

I haven't trawled many blogs recently, so don't know how often this vid has featured. I have only just been pointed to it by one of our account directors. It's a cracking fight between account management and creative director, Cruise v Nicholson.
I just hate that sodding "I-" word... I think planners are more guilty of its misuse than anyone else!

Someone fire the decorators

Yes, we get it. Gentlemen. Blondes. White vs Black & Red. That's a distinctly odd kink on display. But "beautifully co-ordinated rooms"? It's a bloody mess!

Water you looking at?

It's easy to get riled at the thought of posh hangout Claridge's offering 30 brands of bottled water from around the world. There is something mildly uneasy in the thought of such a commodity being shipped from one continent to another when it's already freely available on tap.
The urge to be green seems to blind many people to reason as well as make them ready to accept unproven doctrine i.e. local produce = good / food miles = bad. But what if lugging huge volumes of a commodity thousands of miles is cheaper or more fuel efficient than transporting smaller volumes from nearby?
Bottled water is suffering an image problem because it symbolises purity and simplicity and yet the bottled brands struggle to prove points of difference with marketing as sophisticated as any other fmcg. That was fine before environmentalism became a new religion.
Using a brand is an act of self-expression. I can't believe that any sane person would notice any difference in taste between bottled water brands while they are munching a slap-up lunch or dinner. But if you want to pay £50 a litre, then that's fine. It's no different to wearing a fine pair of top of the range Nikes when cheap Reebok knock-offs will do the job just as well.
Personally, I'm sticking with the tap.

Don't stand so close to me

Spotted on Boing Boing

Don’t mess with Barry Scott. Or Derek Bum

It's hard to believe that it was only in 2004 that Barry Scott burst onto British telly. It seems like he's been around for a decade.
Type in “Cillit Bang” on YouTube and you’ll get pages and pages of videos spoofing his shouty style. Hell, the real ads are as cheesy as you can get. Even the name of the product, by household giant Reckitt Benckiser, sounds like a joke.
Scott is almost a self-parody, but I think using him as the face of the brand is bloody brilliant. 12% market share in 3 years is no laughing matter. Here he is in one of the more recent Cillit Bang ads.

Under-rated comic Peter Serafinowicz (most famously the voice of Darth Maul and the exasperated flatmate in Shaun Of The Dead) has been spoofing Scott on his new TV show. He’s a brilliant mimic – watch the two Cillit Bang spoofs here and here.

When cool just don't cut it

I own a Motorola Razr, but then I'm cool anyway, and if the trendy mobile looked like a lump of clay then, well, I'd just damn well make it look good.
Here's Mr Beckham with one.
Holding the phone, he looks ok, and almost as sexy as me. But with the ear wotsit, he looks a twat. The moody mean look and messianic halo enhances the general twatness.
The only people who can just about get away with wearing one of these are London black taxi drivers (who don't care how bad they look, and are thus immune to this type of dorkness), call centre staff, and anyone working for Jack Bauer.

See also:
Your golden ticket to la dolce vita, chav-style;
Buying into the Beckham illusion;
Put your tongue in, Becks

Making a monkey out of more creatives

Despite a shocking dress sense that frequently amuses, creatives have been proven to show mortal traits. I'd even go so far as to say that creatives can be normal. I love these guys, especially the ones shut away in their little bijou offices who show real enthusiasm when someone other than their immediate neighbours drop in.
When I praise their work, their little faces light up. That really makes my day. Come on you planners and account people - dontcha ever say anything nice to them, you miserable bastards?
I'm kind of getting the feeling that TV mentalist Derren Brown is becoming something like the dog that won't let go. I've heard that when a Bull Terrier has its death grip on some kid's leg, the only way to get it to unclamp its jaws is to stick a finger up its arse.
Here's Mr Brown, once again picking on ad creatives, this time repeating his UK telly trick on a pair of innocent US Saatchites. It's still fun to watch, but please stop being horrid to these people. Someone stop him before he does the same thing in other continents. Someone with a big finger, perhaps.


See also: Making a monkey out of the creatives

My furniture takes another caning

Jeez, what is about women and animals on my expensive furniture? Having squired chimplets from several secret mistresses, I thought I'd finally hit on The One, until she started eating trifle on one of my patent leather sofas. One of the hairy chimplets made her drop it. Wasn't his fault, so I booted her out for the last time and got custardy. Hoorah for British law.
So here's the next One. Thought she was ok - I could take the insect hallucinations but drew the line at her wearing fucking stilletos on my leather cushions.
After having had her shoe allowance cut (undoubtedly the second-worst thing a gentleman could do to his mistress), she stalked off for a sulk.
Now, where has she gone? Ah there you are. Hello there... wait a minute.... Hey... what the fuck...!!!!???
More furniture grief:
Down boy;
Those worms didn't come out of my arse, madam;
Get off my bleedin' chair

China is not our enema

This extraordinary ad from China needs no translation. Imagine the fun you could have if you were able to pre-programme one of these. And will someone please explain what the hell is happening at 3:45 ?

via b3ta

The awesomeness of Chuck

Thanks to AdRants' heads-up on a new Chuck Norris ad, I am reminded to post this pic that's been knocking around my folder for a while. Nice heels.
See also: FACT! Chuck Norris!

Scared yet?

Halloween's a-coming; if you want your neighbours to shit their pants, then wear one of these.


See also: Perfect furniture fun for the whole family

Feeling down?

Too much advertising is bad for you, so have some Star Wars.

See also:
Turn to the dork side
Before BB turned nasty
It's a trap!
A long time ago, sssssshhhh
Off-topic. Star Wars: A New Pope

Tags: Evil

Go bunnies

Ask any crop farmer about bunnies and he'll describe them as vermin. I've seem many a good golf course destroyed by these evil little parasites. Why does popular culture portray them as cute and cuddly and sexy? Mice breed faster, after all, but I've yet to see Ann Summers stock a Manic Mouse.
I blame the women.
Rabbits are good eating, though.

We rock too

OK, so Oz has big sky and fierce light, but their Bloody Hell campaign hiccups with this lazy ad. The matey irreverance of the campaign with its cheeky tagline hits the right tone - anyone who has worked with Aussies will know what I mean - and works well when showing the landscapes that are unique to that country.
Well, we have helicopters in England too, and some jolly nice rocks. These are off our south west coast.

See also:
Digging Australia;
Missing canoeists