Facebook sells me God Sex. Yes, me, the Sex God

Thanks Facebook, for that little message, but keep your imaginary sky fairies off my homepage. I think that God's got enough on his plate fucking with the Middle East without Him needing to get involved in my bedroom, ta very much. If I need help in that department then I'll just spend a little more time perusing the dairy section of my local Asda. Cheers.

How to waste time finding a mate

Scientists have revealed six steps to follow for men or women to land the perfect partner, by making themselves more attractive to the opposite sex. I remain baffled at the effort invested by humans - for top bananas like me a well-thrown piece of fruit (or if she's a stunner, a small lump of poo) works every time. When one of my women shows herself like this strumpet, pictured, then she's only after one thing.