July 11, 2007

The bi-annual outing of the Inglish brigade

When Chimplet #1 was very small he believed in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and everything the local priest told him. Without question. One day, curiosity got too much for him and he asked the priest, in the church, what was actually wrong with the leopards that Jesus set out to cure.
Similarly, for a long time I wondered why some bloke with an aeroplane needed to do horrid things to Jesus (think about it), and whether he flew to Jerusalem.
Only when the words were put in front of us, in black and white, did we realise our error.
I was reminded of this religious nonsense when I heard that the phonetic English cranks have been let out again, campaigning to "simplify" spellings (e.g. Learn > Lern; Slow > Slo; Beautiful > Butiful).
When these twits appear on the telly or are heard on the radio, the first thing that strikes me is the inevitability of their southern English / Home Counties accents.
These middle class busybodies would assume that the phonetic spelling is best, completely forgetting the existence of a plethora of accents across the country.
We all know that a house is a place to live in, but will Kentish Cordelia invite Cockney Dave to her hais? Is Cockney Dave's ahss so pikey you need to wipe your feet on the way out? Would Glasgie Scot eat a deep fried Mars Bar in his hoos? Which spelling would the snobbish Simplified Spelling Society pick? The one that suits them and their pony, that's what.
If they come knocking at your door, tell them to feck off.

3 comments:

Will said...

I agree completely - it's a bloody stupid suggestion.

Marcus Brown said...

Ich habe keine Ahnung um was es hier eigentlich geht.

Rob Mortimer said...

Mind you, considering the lack of connection between pronounciation and spelling that exists anyway, it probably wouldnt make much difference!