Nike did it. Lost it.

Back in May CMM News reported the ire of a tiddly London council which was mightily pissed off at Nike for ripping off Hackney council’s logo. Nike copied the original logo, including the name of Hackney, for a range of its sportswear. This was probably Nike’s attempt to associate itself with the salt o’ the earth working class types who like to kick a ball (and each other) around the mudflats of Hackney Marshes every Sunday.
Well gawd blimey, shake a leg me ol’ guvnor ‘cos it’s a fair cop (cue rolling London fog and policemen chasing cloaked villains over slippery cobbled roads): the plucky little flat-capped socialist republic of Hackney have won £300,000 in an out of court settlement with the mighty beast of globalisation. This sum won’t be a big deal to Nike, but to the poverty-stricken borough, this sum will be manna from heaven, buying lots of Cuban holidays for any sporty kids who can sing The Red Flag before kick-off.

Tags: Politics; Sponsorship / PR

These Taiwanese bra ads are just so darned cryptic

I couldn’t think of anything worth posting today, so I’m reaching for the folder marked Lowest Common Denominator. In Taiwan, there is a pert tit epidemic which is causing buttons to ping.


See also: These Japanese bra ads are just so darned cryptic

Tags: Naughty bits; TV ads

Still spurting up the charts

Beyond all expectations, CMM News has lolloped home at number 21 in BMA’s ranking of ad blogs, up from 22 in the previous chart. I really expected a slide out of the top 25 because let’s face it, if you want high-brow intelligent adspeak then you won’t get it here.
It’s with some humility (but not too much) that I rub shoulders with people such as the great and infinitely more cerebral Advergirl and Russell Davies.
So here’s a virtual tip of the glass to those of you who are addicted to your short daily squirt of simian advertising diarrhoea, and to the pervs who regularly type in naughty words in Google and land here (especially the anonymous person who typed in HUGE GIRTH WILLY and landed on my story about the Ikea dog).
Keep it up.

Tags: Ad industry; Online

Argos hit my cat!

Here's a bit of call centre fun... this audio file is currently doing the rounds. The scenario is rich with comic potential: Argos (huge British catalogue retailer) customer services, irate Northern chappie, and a cat.

Tags: Morons, Spoof, Violence

Just in case four blades weren’t enough

Pity the poor sods at AMV BBDO who have to deal with their client while maintaining straight faces. Here’s the new Gillette Fusion razor, with five blades. I can’t say that I’ve noticed any great difference between the shaves I have with 1, 2, 3 or even 4 blades.

Click image to enlarge

Gentlemen, do the Pepsi challenge: rub your shaved chin along your good lady’s inner thigh. If you are too stubbly then she rips your ears off. If you’re smooth, you get to sip from the furry cup. Now that would make a good ad.
You even get a choice between manual and battery-powered (dildo or vibrator, ma’am?). Next year’s model: The Gillette Priapicus, with six blades and built-in anal probe, for gullible arseholes everywhere.
See also: To run the world you’ll need one of these

Tags: FMCG, Press/outdoor ads

Cool? It’s a question of timing

I always thought that the Mercury music awards were supposed to be cutting-edge – a celebration of new, raw, breaking musical talent, but they have missed a trick and last night’s winner, The Arctic Monkeys, made a big mistake by turning up.
The Sheffield band’s rise to fame is well documented: a steady surge of interest amongst the teens fuelled by MySpace word of mouse and a healthy collection of mirror sites hosting mp3s of their live gigs.
The music is real shit on your shoes and punch in your face stuff – they have a passing resemblance to The Clash, but that’s not the point.
The Arctic Monkeys were a byword for cool in 2005. If you were over 25 and liked them last year, you too could be cool, so long as you didn’t talk about them. It was too late earlier this year when their first album was released: you had to be familiar with their tunes before the CD hit your player. And to get into the band now they’re Mercury winners well, you’re just too late.
This just shows up the Mercury judges for being past-it has-beens. They should have torn up the rule book and given the Monkeys the prize in 2005 before they had released their first album. Now that would have been cool.

Death warmed up

Here's Kate Moss, Britain's least sexy sex icon, rambling on about something or other for Agent Provocateur, whilst looking like a zombie. What a Babyshambles.
The first of four movies are available here.

Tags: Celebrities, Naughty bits, Viral

Let’s hound this evil mass-murdering satanist out of town

What the hell is wrong with people. No, what I mean is what the FUCK is wrong with people? Harken to this video with the most effective of ear-worm tunes to have appeared in an advert in recent memory.

There are worse ads out there. In fact, I don’t mind it at all and my weary troop of small-size chimplets back at the treehouse quite like it, and the cereal it promotes. But for some reason the most incredible hate campaign has been waged against the ad, or more specifically the rubbery lad who bounces his way through the song. There have been death threats, for heaven’s sake, and claims that there is an anti-semitic message hidden within.
Today’s Sun news rag takes up the story:
We tracked Sven to his Johannesburg hideaway after spoof clips of him became a big hit online. There were even rumours he killed himself because of abuse about the ad.
Surfers issued death threats against him after it first aired four months ago. One poster ranted: “He’s a revolting, despicable child, he deserves to die.” A lads’ magazine even printed a picture of the youngster with rifle-sight crosshairs on his forehead.
Some of the anti-“Frosties Kid” videos online are quite funny (this one I laughed at, guiltily) but taken together, make for a sinister whole.

Tags: Evil, FMCG, Morons, TV ads

Rape? You're having a laugh

We've laughed along to Saudi Arabia's jolly treatment of threatened domestic violence. Now it's the turn of those chuckle-worthy Thais who throw in false rape allegations in this piece of high comedy.

Agency: Saatchi & Saatchi Bangkok
Advertiser: Syn Mun Kong Insurance

Goodbye you beauty

And so it's farewell forever to Steve Irwin, hero to daredevil kiddies and croc lovers, killed in a manner befitting his nature and lifestyle. His greatest moment came when he carried his baby into a croc enclosure during a wildlife demonstration, attracting the ire of safety freaks everywhere. I loved his "fuck off, I know what I'm doing" attitude. He was, after all, an expert on these creatures and I'm sure both his kids will be better rounded individuals than the majority of children whose risk-averse parents would rather keep their nippers safely indoors watching shit TV and murdering virtual opponents on their Playstations.

Image from b3ta (where else?)

Tags: Celebrities

A dog called Big Willy

Actually, that's not true, but how I hope this cheeky chappie has a name that reflects his mighty girth. This picture of an unfeasibly well-endowed hound was spotted in an Ikea catalogue, prompting speculation that there has been some tampering.
If you ask me, the pooch looks uncomfortable and is probably wishing he was hangin' with the bitches.

Tags: Naughty bits

Enjoy this spanking, then go to jail

Here's a risky ad for Dr Martens, supposedly made for MTV. To jaded eyes like mine, there's nothing particularly shocking about this. A man is strapped down to a table and various things involving feathers, spanking and a dominatrix, occurs. It's amusing to me, but maybe I'm a stinking pervert who needs locking up.

If you experienced an adverse reaction to this short film, then put yourself on the side of the perv-bashers behind the latest piece of badly-considered legislation in the UK, which could earn people up to 3 years in jail for "possessing violent internet porn".
The person behind this is the mother of a murder victim. The perpetrator was obsessed with the most extreme type of porn which would probably be beyond the pale for 99% of us.
The problem I have with this is that the two words "violent" and "porn" are extremely subjective and it is harmful to apply this to law. Supporters would argue that the law simply applies existing law to the internet. But the pervasive nature of censorship, when it carries the threat of lengthy jail terms, is such that it causes otherwise innocent people to modify behaviour when there is no need. It brings the invisible nanny into your home.
If you dabble in paedo porn then you deserve everything the law can throw at you, but if your tastes are restricted to anything that involves consenting adults, then this law means it would be dependent upon the whim of a jury whether you are a criminal or not.