February 15, 2007

Tits on the Underground

For those of you without the services of a chauffeur, commuting is shit. And the London Underground is bloody awful. On the rare occasions I use this mode of travel, I never sit. Of course, I am a gentleman and am happy to let those in need (oldies, women, children, Independent readers) have whatever seat I might have occupied but my reasoning is not based on chivalry. I don't sit on Underground trains because they are covered in dried piss.
Rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi is not something I do lightly, so if I were standing bleary-eyed one morning on some shitstain of an Underground train station, I would feel somewhat compensated if I could stare at a poster showing a massive pair of tits.
It's not necessarily sexy. It's more like comfort for tired eyes, and a natural place for male eyes to rest. It's a reflex, a bit like the pointless readjustment of testicles by teenage boys and pikeys in tracksuits.
The great Rupert Murdoch, having long ago turned The Times, one of Britain's greatest broadsheet newspapers, into a weak-kneed version of The Sun but with longer words, can be thanked for the above work of art, which has fallen foul of some passing numpty who complained to the ASA.
According the The Guardian "the complainant said the poster ad, which is part of a campaign to promote last week's launch of the new-look Times Online, was irresponsible and should not be shown where it can be seen by children.
"The ad is accompanied by a quote from Top Gear presenter and Sunday Times columnist Jeremy Clarkson: 'Money and rumpy-pumpy are the twin engines powering everything we do'."
I'd like to perform a self-patented lobotomy technique on that fuckwit (the numpty, not Jeremy Clarkson) to determine whether it thought that Mr. Clarkson's view on human motivation would compel some sad child into adopting a questionable lifestyle, or whether the sight of surging boobage would corrupt a minor. Frankly, the quotation on the poster does require further study, but there's nothing wrong with the picture of the tits, which I have already studied enough.
Children need to be exposed to more breasts. A Bristol University study (I kid you not), has found that babies who are breastfed are more likely to move up the social ladder as adults.
Maybe that's what motivated the complainant, who was probably John Prescott. The fucked-up government we're living under is run by capitalist ex-commies and commie ex-capitalists. The thought of a generation of kids experiencing social mobility through their mothers' breast milk is just the sort of thing they'd like to legislate against. Tits against tits, if you like.

3 comments:

mediawasp said...

And the fact that we have fabric on the tube seats is disgusting. On the NYC subway everything is plastic and metal, so they can hose it all down with disinfectant. Whichever idiot decided we needed fabric seats needs a good shoeing in. Bah.

greencan said...

excuse my American vocabulary, what the heck is rumpy pumpy?

FishNChimps said...

Getting a wet bottom from a fabric tube seat, especially when it hasn't been raining....

gc, Olde English from the era of Carry On films. Pre-1959, it was considered bad form to use the word "sex"