February 09, 2007

Terrifying warts ‘n all TV

When the good lady of the house declared that she would very much like us to have a new, swanky telly, it felt like Christmas had come early. So, late last summer, we outdid the Joneses and the pikey neighbours (who, despite being on benefits, seem to be materially better off than us, even with about 6 kids and 20 cats to support) by buying a 40-inch Sony Bravia High-Definition LCD flat screen TV.
It’s fucking awesome.
But last night, the Bravia showed me why Simon Hughes always sits on host David Dimbleby’s right-hand side on BBC1’s current affairs panel discussion, Question Time.
Camera close-ups on our TV double or even treble the natural size of faces, and High Definition reveals every blemish.
As if last week’s QT wasn’t bad enough, having disgraced shit-eating Liberal Democrat Mark Oaten’s pasty face projected double-size into our living room (last year it was revealed he liked to have rent boys poo in his mouth – I kid you not), this week we were treated to x3-size, super sharp close ups of Simon Hughes’ Rice Crispie colony snuggling beside his right nostril.
I like to think that I’m generally tolerant, but the sight of someone’s pus farm in such vivid detail made both of us feel quite nauseous. The memory of it certainly put me off my morning porridge.
It did occur to me that this new technology isn’t such a great thing for actors too. I didn’t realise that Anakin Skywalker has such bloody awful skin and – ahem – I am told that hard core porn actors are less than happy about critical viewers commenting on that dirty pore during the all-important money shot, or that their nicely coutured mimsy looks like a soggy balloon knot when presented in its large screen glory.
Upon hearing this, I did think that sentiment was somewhat ironic. Sony, you see, resisted licensing porn production companies whilst in the middle of the videotape format war, which meant that the pornographers took their business to VHS. And so Betamax died.
This may be urban myth, but it’s given extra credence now that we see Sony’s high-definition Blu-Ray DVD standard up against Toshiba’s. Yes, Sony has once again refused to work with the adult film industry, which will mean your one-handed home cinema experience will only come via HD-DVD. I’m certainly not going to predict which format is going to win in the long-term, but should I find myself perusing the top shelf of my sticky-floored video store, I certainly won’t be renting Mark Oaten’s Confessions of a Coprophiliac or Simon Hughes’s Potato Grower’s Guide.


Rob Mortimer said...

40 inch Bravia? Lucky bastard.

Though as you say, some people were made for Standard Definition tv...

FishNChimps said...

Lucky bastard in having a wife who proposed having the thing in the first place. I'm normally the reckless one.