Send this fucker a bacon sandwich

A woman's work is never done, I was told, which is why they're paid half as much. I've had to let half of my scantily clad monkeygirls go because of the recession (it was either the staff or the champagne lunches - don't anyone tell you that my sense of priority is wrong). The downside is that now I've got to do more frickin' work, which is why my steady stream of pointless blogging bullshit has been drying up.
I need to excrete some piss 'n vinegar on the subject of this wretched flu thing that's getting the Daily Mail all excited. I wish someone would invent a flu that targeted those nazi bastards, but we've got to make do with some rather loose animal-themed branding. Which is why I want to direct a loud FUCK OFF to some twat in Israel who objects to the naming of Swine Flu. I knew someone was going to complain. By his book, offending a religion is unacceptable if the alternative is some casual racism. And never mind the poor fuckers who are dying from the illness. Fucking idiot.

Banking on change

This is the most unusual example of TV advertising I’ve seen in a long time. The wretched new YouTube headlining feature spoils the pleasant surprise caused by the convention-breaking characterisation within this Argentinian creation. Cynical and exploitative, possibly, but I can’t help liking it. Daily Mail readers would hate it.

via boingboing

Being Greek is cool again

Being 75% Greek, there aren't many current events that I get to crow about while wearing my ethnic bobbly shoes. 2004 was a good year (winning the UEFA European Football Championship and the Olympic Games coming home), but since then, nothing... until now, a third of the way through 2009, when something appeared on British telly that really made me proud.
(Skip forward one minute to avoid the preamble)

RIP Clement

As a child, I first saw Clement Freud on the telly selling dog food. That’s what I always identified him with until I heard him on Radio 4’s Just A Minute. RIP #1 Grumpy Old Man and owner of the most morose voice in Britain. He was also incredibly funny.

A Clement Freud joke:
A woman told her husband that if he ever came home drunk again then she would leave him. That night he went out to a pub, drank a lot and threw up all over himself.
“What am I going to do?” he asked his friend “If I turn up like this my wife’s going to leave me.”
“This is what you do”, said his friend, “Put a £20 note in your pocket and tell your wife that someone else threw up on you and gave you the money to dry clean your jacket.”
That night, as he came through the door he stopped his wife in mid-exclamation and said “No, no, somebody threw up over me and gave me £20 for the cleaning bill.”
She said “But why have you got two £20 notes in your hand?”
“Oh,” said the man, “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”

The flying rat analogy

This clip is a good way of explaining that feeling one gets when having lost a pitch.

Oh-no-nanism

It's good to see that my Wank For Jesus campaign is finally taking off in Botswana.

See also: P4CM's reaction to my Wank For Jesus campaign

Spotted on Pharyngula

The little boys are at it again

It's a type of advertising that should be labelled "take them out, put them on the table, and measure" - the car ad version of a pissing up the wall contest. Famously emulating that famous sequence of press ads from several years ago are Audi and BMW, once again.

Spotted on Ffffound

Arab authorities needled by hoax

I love the daft ingenuity behind what can justifiably be called a word of mouth campaign. The BBC reports that Saudi citizens have fallen for a hoax that has seen old fashioned Singer sewing machines fly off the shelves.
These ancient machines are supposedly coated in a non-existent substance that has several unique properties, including one that would enable it to be used to make nuclear bombs.

Announcing the new Vodafone Airhead Tariff

If I ruled the world I’d put most of the bankers up against a wall and shoot them. Then I’d deal with world poverty, the AIDS epidemic, and global warming. You, Miss, I will give unlimited access to daytime TV, Facebook, chocolate, and the time to waste with your pointless friends.

Very fast food

Despite being responsible for one of the worst ads of 2008 (which still sometimes crops up on the telly), some of Specsavers' more recent ones have been weirdly good. 30-second TV ads are a good format for cheap visual gags if married to the right product. This one earned a belly laugh from that most critical viewer, Mrs Chimps.

Merry Chocmas

When too much effort is just too much

If one were to be uncharitable, one would remind oneself that Halifax’s group HBOS incurred an £11 billion debt before being rescued by the government. If one were to be uncharitable, one would remind oneself of the job cuts incurred across the barely-functioning banking sector. If one were to be uncharitable, one would wonder why Halifax’s current batch of ads show an unfeasibly large crowd of Halifax employees focused on delivering a solitary five pound note into the sweaty hands of a bewildered customer.
Just sayin’.

Gardening leave

Thoughtful chaps ought to be pleased that the perennial problem of picking pubic hairs out of their teeth is on the wane now that it’s socially acceptable for women to have their front gardens openly referred to in, of all places, TV advertising.

Wilkinson Sword Quattro for Women by JWT

One of the most wicked marketing campaigns ever

Ignorance, being poorly informed and an argument from emotion are no excuse. Children are dying because of people like Jenny McCarthy.
Thankfully we in the UK have woken up to the evidence-free scaremongering of the MMR vaccine, despite the occasional air-brained hiccup from mouthy celebs playing the Mummy Card. Our media now realises that the vaccine is safe. We see the inevitable rise in the illnesses that MMR was meant to prevent as herd immunity is lost.
In the USA, Jenny McCarthy plays the Mummy, sorry, Mommy Card to the hilt. As she does so, children go unvaccinated and whatever emotive language she uses, nature resolutely ignores her and people die.
Life’s a bummer like that.
In Cloud Cuckoo Land, the baddies wear black hats and are always vanquished, fluffy bunnies frolic on green fields and children are never sick. This is where McCarthy spends her spare time.
Unfortunately Cloud Cuckoo Land rules do not apply to Planet Earth.
McCarthy is now peddling a new book and because she is An Angry Mom, she is soft-soaped by the media.
Here’s Time giving her the kid glove treatment.
Here’s a scientist’s view of the McCarthy campaign of destruction.
Here are the results of her handiwork.

Cock is flat

The title is a direct quote from this fascinating article from one of The Guardian blogs which takes advantage of some geeky coding to examine the trend in swearing in that newspaper over the last 10 years. To me, the only surprise is the relatively low frequency of my favourite expletive - "wank". Very disappointing.

Monica Lewinsky's back !!

I'm going insane, having spent three solid days trying to extract juju magic from TGI. One iota of relief was felt upon receiving this cheery pic by email. Attaboy Obama! Go go go!