February 23, 2009

Magnopulse’s medicinal magnets make magic money

Magnopulse, I love you! Even though I do not have ladybits attached (most of the time) I decided to try out their magnetic healing system and – guess what – my fictional ladypains diminished!
It would be medically irresponsible for me to recommend using their Ladycare product beyond its specifications but let’s say that if, hypothetically, a frustrated gentleman were to balance one of these medicinal magnets on his cock whilst watching a webcam of nurses with dildos in a mud bath, then would one attribute the ensuing results as proof that the product works, or that he’s just a dirty bugger?
Well, apart from being a fully qualified nutritionist (i.e. I can tell the difference between a Mars Bar and a banana) I’m no medic and, I guess, neither are 99% of menopausal women, but our gullibility is being tested here. Also, statistically, six out of seven dwarves aren’t Happy and, here’s another fairy tale: Magnopulse products are stuffed with science that’ll solve your lady problems. Even better, this pioneering company has a "powerful coaster" that will spin you a magic web of credulity when you put a glass of water on it.
If you think this is all bullshit, you’ll be pleased to note that my Chimpworks Z-1000 Taurean Stool Detector probably agrees (I have to say probably, otherwise it’ll set off the Big Fuck-off Red Light, which is accompanied by a loud quacking sound, allegedly).
Footnote: a quick Google search for the high priest of Magnopulse, Dr Nyjon Eccles (which at first glance made me think of something naughty you do with cream while wearing pyjamas) leads to this lovely dissection from Quackometer.
Two years later, and the woo continues.


Anonymous said...

I wonder who the"500 woman" was...

SchizoFishNChimps said...

Holy cow, I can't believe I missed that.