January 16, 2009

Piss your money away

The seemingly pointless bottled water industry, despite being accused of wasting resources and energy to deliver something that every household can get from their own taps, still chugs along despite a drop-off in sales according to last month's Grocer magazine.
One of my favourite sceptical sites has nicely demolished a daft bottled water brand not for the more mundane sins outlined above, but for some spurious product benefit claims designed to appeal to every gullible Samantha from Crouch End to Kensington. “Deeside Mineral Water may help promote good skin condition, by encouraging the growth of the tubules which feed nutrients to the skin, improving hydration and vitality”. This is supposedly backed by research which, if it were true, would be published on the site in all its academic glory.
Godsteeth, even Prince Charles is in on the act, a sure indicator of the brand’s woo quotient.
I’m particularly annoyed because I am burdened with an unusual sensitivity to bullshit and dislike coming across this sort of stuff. I'm hoping that this recession would make people more rational. There is some evidence that interest on woo such as homeopathy and anything with the word “holistic” in it was on the decline.
Sadly, the gullible will always seek solace in the supernatural (which is how I’d label magic water) when reality becomes too challenging. This is why I am offering the unique Giraffe Industries crystallised monkeyshit pendant (pat. pending) for a very competitive £399.99. Swing yours over a glass of tapwater clockwise seven times while standing on one leg. This will block the dangerous Holford Particles that have been proven to cause blockages of the McKeith glands. This will increase your pleasure when watching GMTV and Loose Women. You won’t have to waste money on bottled water ever again.

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