"I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather..."

"Not screaming in terror like his passengers."



Joke nicked from Bob Monkhouse.

Cartoon nicked from Private Eye, and the best reaction to the Atheist Bus Campaign I've seen.

No news today; let's make some more shit up

More quality from Planet Murdoch.


**Edit** Top marks to The Guardian for not taking the same story seriously. (via New Humanist)

Bart fires one off for Scientology

Spam phone calls are still a problem on landlines, which is a pity cos I hate using my mobile. Several years down the line I still haven't mastered the bloody thing. I'm getting some alarming cold calls from someone on my mobile, without fail, same time every bloody day, and then every ten minutes till I turn the damn thing off. Who is this bastard called Snooze who keeps pestering me, and who does he work for?
Another bunch of annoying fuckers are outed in this post. It reveals how the person behind the voice of Bart Simpson is using the cartoon to plug Scientology over the phone. Link inludes audio evidence. As my German friend would say: "Ein bunch of arse!"

See also:
More woo infiltrates UK advertising
Kudos to the little guy

This really doesn't happen to geeks

This annoying chappy is as face-punchable as any other bloke who thinks his car is a penis extension. Except he's not a petrolhead but a computer geek. Sorry, but Lenovo lost me at "dude".

via Illegal Advertising

Your famed intelligence is nothing more than the Fart Of God

Professor Richard Dawkins is a prominent supporter and promoter of the atheist bus campaign currently running in London. I was reminded of this hysterical clip snipped from a short TV series broadcast on UK telly last year. In it, the good Prof. reads some of his hate mail.

Smoochy

Cute, but I prefer the playground version:

During a heavy petting session with the girlfriend she says to me: "Kiss me where it smells". So I drove her to Widnes.

Kudos to the little guy

Cheap product demo TV ads are easy targets. Often naff, shouty and tediously long, they’re something to be avoided. This is a typical example from the US, but there’s a rather interesting back story unearthed by Skepchick. It seems that Headset Vince is a recovering ex-Scientologist who is using funds raised by this product, and by an apparently awful movie he once made, to take on the cult for ruining his life.

See also: More woo infiltrates UK advertising

Another bye bye Bushism

This one's from today's Daily Mail; a slightly painful mixing of meanings for Philip's sense and simplicity juxtaposed against Dubya. Philips and sense, yes. But simplicity? As in stupid or stripped of pointless complexity?

USA: Can we have a slice of him too, please?

...after all, we knew his grandpa quite well. I'm hoping that the optimism of the 44th presidency is not followed by the same disappointment that Britain felt during the latter years of the Blair government.

via

Piss your money away

The seemingly pointless bottled water industry, despite being accused of wasting resources and energy to deliver something that every household can get from their own taps, still chugs along despite a drop-off in sales according to last month's Grocer magazine.
One of my favourite sceptical sites has nicely demolished a daft bottled water brand not for the more mundane sins outlined above, but for some spurious product benefit claims designed to appeal to every gullible Samantha from Crouch End to Kensington. “Deeside Mineral Water may help promote good skin condition, by encouraging the growth of the tubules which feed nutrients to the skin, improving hydration and vitality”. This is supposedly backed by research which, if it were true, would be published on the site in all its academic glory.
Godsteeth, even Prince Charles is in on the act, a sure indicator of the brand’s woo quotient.
I’m particularly annoyed because I am burdened with an unusual sensitivity to bullshit and dislike coming across this sort of stuff. I'm hoping that this recession would make people more rational. There is some evidence that interest on woo such as homeopathy and anything with the word “holistic” in it was on the decline.
Sadly, the gullible will always seek solace in the supernatural (which is how I’d label magic water) when reality becomes too challenging. This is why I am offering the unique Giraffe Industries crystallised monkeyshit pendant (pat. pending) for a very competitive £399.99. Swing yours over a glass of tapwater clockwise seven times while standing on one leg. This will block the dangerous Holford Particles that have been proven to cause blockages of the McKeith glands. This will increase your pleasure when watching GMTV and Loose Women. You won’t have to waste money on bottled water ever again.

See also Would the Prince please drink a hot organic cup of Shut The Fuck Up

Cheer up

via b3ta

Looking for a flat? Then DIE BITCH!!!!

If it were possible to gauge the character of a country by the nature of its ads, then one might imagine that Russia is one severely fucked-up place on the strength of this misogynistic nightmare.

via Illegal Advertising

British tabloids are such quality

Admittedly from its website rather than the pages of the paper itself, this is Express stablemate The Daily Star using some highly relevant stock footage to illustrate a news story. Sigh.

From here

What goes through your mind when told "Let's go for a drink"

Enclicken to biggify

Received by email. Goldstar is an Israeli beer.

Nice flip

I'm tickled by Boing Boing's observation that the DVD cover of The Princess Bride is an ambigram, where the words read the same when you flip the image over.

Time for some smiting

It’s good to see that the atheist London bus campaign is seriously winding up the god botherers. Personally, I’m rather pissed off that nobody’s seen fit to promote the existence of simian godlike beings (cos let’s face it, I’m greater than God because I have the advantage of actually existing), in light of the fact that I’ve had the various aspects of the homophobic desert sky ghost thrust in my face since I was born on that volcano prior to a great eagle dropping the sword of destiny at my feet.
The fun bit happens now as the ASA decides whether to investigate the inevitable complaints or not. I’m looking forward to seeing how the ASA treats the claim that "There's probably no god" can be argued to be factually inaccurate or misleading.

Brand Republic is running a poll on the campaign (you may need to register to participate).

Pic nicked from Scamp, who has been banging the atheistic drum.

Please don't sit on my white leather sofa

Fancy a marshmallow game, anyone?

No news today; let’s make some shit up

A technology that challenges Einstein’s theory of relativity by enabling matter to cross the vast interstellar void proves inadequate to space aliens who cannot avoid colliding with a huge fuck-off spinning blade in the middle of a field.

2009 - the year of the cheap celeb

Of all the weird ads currently on British telly, this is the most confusingest. I'm trying to figure out what legendary hellraiser and unlikely brand ambassador Iggy Pop is doing in this ad for Swiftcover.

Office email ammo

b3ta is doing another ad-related picture challenge: Advertising the Unusual - create advertisements for things which don't normally get advertised

A kick up the eighties

I won't tell you what I was doing when the stewardess told me "Just hold this over your nose and mouth, and breath normally," but I was very young, and I did pass out. Thus with excellent timing after our first credit crunch Christmas, when you expect a bland avalanche of travel advertising, does this top notch spot of time travel from Virgin Atlantic burst onto the screen.
It certainly cheered me up - a non-PC reminder of how Branson Airlines cheekily challenged British Airways. This reminds us of how we cheered the funderdog, which is just the right message for a time when the public is learning to distrust its institutions. I love it.

Agency: Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R

I’m glad this wasn’t in my Xmas stocking

I’m sticking with the same two resolutions as last January: no alcohol for half the year (i.e. no beer in the mornings), and try and stop swearing in this blog. Unfortunately, really shitty advertising still fucks up some decent telly watching, even at Christmas.
Here’s something from the arse end of midnight, shown between episodes of Father Ted.
I have to try really hard to understand who would buy this crap: several hours’-worth of stolen music accelerated to 100rpm with a duh-duh-duh beat. Oh, hang on, I was in Basildon last week – the chav capital of Essex and dammit, wasn’t it just this kind of noise I could hear from every other motor?
Incidentally, if you see two chavs in a car and there’s no music on, who’s driving? The Police.