There are only a small number of things that make me feel clammy, spine-chilling horror: clowns, assembly instructions from IKEA, evil kittens, the sky falling on my head, and lifelike baby dolls.
You never know when you’re going to encounter the first four in the newspapers, but on Sundays, the latter terror is a near-certainty.
These things are the granny equivalent of the pickled Ripleys in Alien Resurrection. She may wear fluffy slippers and a housecoat, but if that old dear invites you in, watch what she puts in your cup of tea. And never, ever, accept a piece of Battenberg cake.
Looks like David Jason.
(See also Old ladies’ stuff - part 5)
The Hannah doll is particularly popular with paedophiles.
(See also: Old ladies’ stuff - part 5)
And evil kittens too!