Slurp your way to great sex

Here she is again, the Pomegreat chick whose addiction, we have already seen, has given her especially peachy buttocks. So, not only will this juice give you gluteal maximising, it’s going to make you feel sexy. Maybe because of “antioxidants” which, as far as I know, have never been proven to do you any good. The only people who’d disagree with this are nutritionists. And what’s a nutritionist? The answer is: anyone who says they’re one. Like me. And I talk shit all the time. Remember, good people: this is just a juice.
Next week: Grapefruit juice will resurrect the dead.

Only slightly unconnected news: The Guardian’s Dr Ben Goldacre wins court case against nutritionist quack.