September 16, 2008

It’s chol-, chlori- er, whadyacallit?

There’s a theme developing here, you’ll notice. For some reason, I’m either starting to notice ads pushing medical-sounding mumbo jumbo, or yes, there really are more ads pushing medical mumbo jumbo.
I guess this is what comes of having my team of scantily clad monkey girls sit around watching GMTV and reading brain-dead women’s mags, and then listening to their air-headed conversations. They call this audience research, but it sounds like they’ve gone native. Jesus, we’re the ones who write this shit. We’re not supposed to believe in it.
Here’s a particularly daft bit of advertising from the pages of Health & Fitness Magazine. Apart from pushing a product that sounds like a nasty water-borne bacteria (I suppose catching cholera would make you lose weight), it throws a series of vaguely meaningless terms such as “cleansing and purifying” as well as a word that makes my bullshitometer ring – “detox”. Just what does “detox” mean anyway? Is there a non-pseudo-sciency definition? And “chlorophyll”? What do plant molecules that are used in photosynthesis have to do with cleansing and purifying anything?
Again, this is pseudo-scientific woo using the sort of language designed to reassure and flatter the gullible.
I’m not saying the product is crap. It might actually be very good – but there’s absolutely no proof in the copy. No supporting evidence. Just fluff.
Still, the model is a rather fetching shade of blue and, as the copy states, “in Japan, it’s the no.1 selling supplement in its class”.
Next week: why Widnes is Britain’s no.1 holiday destination for trainspotting Eskimos.

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