Man, the big fibs are best

The SAS is the world’s largest regiment, it is said. The premise behind this statement is the fact that so many deluded people claim or allude to have served with Britain’s elite force. I, of course, would never say such a thing, mainly because I prefer to say that I spent my early twenties fighting off the clone hordes in my battered but cleverly converted spaceship. That happened shortly after I graduated from Hogwarts, of course.
You see, if you’re going to lie, then make it a stonker. A really huge porkie pie that’ll make grown-ups laugh and small children look at you with awe. This is usually the time when you do the old detachable thumb trick and retrieve a rogue Malteser from behind a little ear.
However, it’s no use trying to make yourself look hard (I have a stash of Viagra eye drops that’ll achieve that. Just send a cheque for £79.99 to Giraffe Towers), because it just sounds pathetic.
Which is why the Guardian report about faux-trendy parents pretending they were druggy hippies leaves me in two minds. I don’t remember the sixties, mainly because I was hanging out with George Best, but it seems harmless enough and slightly comical to falsely claim that you were a flower child, but bloody irresponsible to make false claims that you spent the time being stoned.

Tags: Human behaviour, Surveys