June 11, 2007

72 bacon sarnies away from heaven

There's nothing wrong with a bit of light misogyny, and this laddish ad for Danish bacon (in a lads' mag, where else?) did make me chuckle. After all, we poor chaps have to put up with endless surveys showing how women prefer chocolate to sex.
A couple of weeks ago, shoe brand Brantano claimed (after an excruciatingly naff bit of research) that the average woman's heart rate reached 120 beats per minute upon finding that special pair of stilettos. To put this into context, the average heart rate when a woman reaches orgasm is 115 beats per minute, according to the American Heart Association. How does that make you feel, guys? Women walking all over you, eh?
Being something of a fat old git, the sight of this bacon sarnie probably got my heart racing to a rate higher than that one might have expected upon seeing a lad mag's usual fare. And that's the problem with this campaign by WCRS - it makes me want a heart-busting bacon buttie, but not necessarily a Danish one.
I defy anyone to get the average British numpty to differentiate between one type of bacon and another. You might find a preference for smoked versus unsmoked, but how can the Danish brand convince a shopper to choose it over a supermarket label?
In the olden days, the Danish brand did mean quality. Apparently (so I was once told) this was built upon the knowledge that the bacon had a long journey in which time the meat had a chance to mature, unlike British-grown bacon which was probably a little too fresh.
Times have changed. Last week we were told that many British people are unaware that the ingredients for bacon, sausages, porridge, bread and beer come from farms. I'm confident in the knowledge that the intelligence of the Great British Public (by definition - if you are British - that means everybody else but you) is around 25 points lower than the average IQ of my readers. It’s a relatively reliable world view that I have yet to be disabused from.
So, what does that mean for Danish bacon?
Brand Republic reported how the Danes are trying to rebuild this brand after the "public relations disaster" of the Prophet Mohammed cartoons last year. This is something I am very puzzled about; the status of a bacon brand amongst Muslims strikes me as being a peculiar consideration.
I'll have to increase security at the secret entrance to my underground media centre by suggesting this: to build affection for Danish bacon amongst Brit numpties, the brand ought to

[text removed by internet thought police]

with lashings of butter, and a nice cup of tea.

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