May 23, 2006

Donald Rumsfeld knows banana sex

A great philosopher once said: “There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know.”
From where I was sitting at the time, it sounded like Donald Rumsfeld was talking out of his arse. But today my world flipped on its axis and his sage words make perfect sense. I have observed that there are things I knew I knew, and I thought I knew what I didn’t know, but I know now I didn’t know what I thought I knew, and things I think I thought I knew I now don’t know, I think.
Until very recently I would have counted on my banana supply, but I now know that bananas are going to be extinct.
But if that were not bad enough, it transpires that the French have gone off sex, which sounds improbable enough. And now (clutching head in disbelief) the First Direct bank is telling us that British women are unlikely to marry for money.
I don’t deny that having a hairy back and the ability to fling a piece of poo four hundred yards makes me attractive to the opposite sex and giraffes, but show me the female that says she isn’t impressed by a monster portfolio and a huge nest in the trees and I’ll show you a liar. As the great Mrs Merton said to Debbie McGee, “so what first attracted you the millionaire Paul Daniels?”, and this to a lady who married a man who looks like a monkey.

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