Channel 4's moment of sweary glory

I was surprised to find this, a very popular viral ad from around four years ago which was rapidly withdrawn from its host site at the height of its glory.
British TV’s Channel 4 has been running this series of celebity idents for several years. The idea of having talking heads responding to an unheard question has provided some entertaining moments, but none so utterly gleeful as this parade of British and American celebs letting rip in finest Anglo Saxon.
The ident went viral for a few weeks, but was only broadcast on Channel 4's satellite movie channels (and was therefore missed by the ad monitoring companies, hence its rarity).
Possibly not safe for work


Tags: Poo, vomit & weewee; Media; Viral

Pot Noodle takes on the sheep

You've got to hand it to Mother, the agency behind this Pot Noodle campaign. They set the bar high with the first ad in the Noodle Miners saga, which was so good that it encouraged the usual backlash from ad numpties claiming anti-Welsh xenophobia.
Well, they're going to have a field day with the latest one, which throws a sheep into the mix (an essential ingredient in any piss-take of Wales, bless 'em). The ad's utter nonsense of course, and superb.


In the interests of research, I dispatched a brace of scantily clad monkeygirls to find a typical ad numpty, and ask his opinion:

"It's a disgrace. People will take this as an excuse to drag sheep down mines. I'm going to complain."

Warning: unsophisticated ad numpties at large

Last month I declared a grudging respect for this bling-glorifying ad from Dolce & Gabbana and Motorola. At the time, I didn’t consider the possibility that some people would take offence at the ad.
Once again I have underestimated the stupidity of the great British public because, yes, 160 numpties have wailed that the ad “condoned knife-related violence and glamorised sexual violence.”
Brand Republic reports that As well as being condemned for condoning knife-related violence, and particularly glamorising sexual violence, the ad was also accused of being "offensive and irresponsible".
The ASA rejected the complaints.
Without going too deep into the psychological frailties of unsophisticated ad numpties, one would assume that they are making several intellectual (in the loosest definition of the word) leaps between the imagery in the ad, and a trigger for mentally challenged individuals to aquire a sharp object and slash the face of the nearest stylish camp-looking middle-aged male passerby.
I have therefore recruited a passing ad numpty to provide an opinion on the following selection of press ads that have recently featured on CMM News:

Harvey Nichols
Will encourage small boys to mutilate moths and staple them to Action Man bodies. Possibility of electrocution of little sisters when same naughty boys plug Barbie into the mains.

Toyota RAV4
Dogs will be inspired to drive off in cars; may result in ram-raids on toy shops.

Evian
Don’t these people know there’s a drought on?

Tags: Morons; Press / outdoor ads; Violence

Form an orderly queue, gentlemen

This is the sort of ad that works for me. It speaks directly to the old git side of my ageing mojo.
Lager is a boys’ drink, alcopops taste like liquid snot, and the big American beer brands are insipid cat piss. Bitters and ales are the thing – nearly every brand has a distinctive taste, they don’t bloat (meaning you can drink more) and you’re more likely to find unusual guest brands in pubs. Yes, the urge to go out and buy those carpet slippers is getting stronger.
But if you see me with a pack of Werther’s Originals, then please shoot me.

Click to enlarge

Client: Greene King - Abbot Ale
Agency: WFCA Integrated

Tags: FMCG; Press / outdoor ads

All you willy need is a cigar

Boing Boing points to a Flickr set of vintage tobacco ads, but neglects to point out the subset of naughtier images used to sell cigarettes and cigars. The difference between the two types of product is noticeable: the cigarette women are generally dressed and invite the male smoker to attempt a seduction; the cigar girls are generally naked and are up for a no-nonsense shag.
As if to prove my rather shaky point (that cigars are sexier, being of more plausible dimensions), here’s a classic German ad for Independence Cigars.
Not safe for work

The monkey invasion is going to be easy

My move into advertising coincided with my rapid reappraisal of the intelligence of the great British public. I mean… do people really fall for this?
I’m not haranguing people in the ad business – there are as many bright sparks here as in other sectors – but the sheep-like trance of the unwashed hoi polloi, bedazzled and numbed by the sensory harrassment of marketing and media overload. But maybe I’m being too generous. Maybe people are simply stupid.
For example, Polkadotholes spotted a story from The Register about a guy stuck down a manhole, yelling for help, while people simply walked by as if this was nothing out of the ordinary. Mind you, this happened in Dorset which, despite having spectacular, beautiful scenery, has the most insular and unfriendliest population of numpties I’ve ever encountered in England. It’s even worse than Norfolk.
But what has set me off today is this ad from Sainsbury’s:

Supposedly, a man in a gorilla suit wasn’t spotted by shoppers. They were too intent upon their grocery rush to notice a 6-foot simian lurking amongst the shelves.
Sainsbury’s were being rather cheeky because the ad is a direct rip-off of a well-known academic experiment (by Dr Daniel Simons of the University of Illinois and Dr Daniel Levin of Vanderbilt University, seeing as you were about to ask), which apparently proves that it is possible to see something without actually observing it. In other words, something happens right in front of your eyes but you don’t notice it.
There’s an amusing video by Dr Simons. In it, students throw basketballs to each other. The tape was played to people who were asked to count the passes, many of whom fail to notice someone in a gorilla suit wandering across the scene.
My reading of the experiment, and of Sainsbury’s ad, is that if we’re too preoccupied with a task in hand, that we won’t notice the even the most ridiculous stimuli around us (including advertising, most of which we blank out anyway). This is very feasible, but it doesn’t account for sheer dumbness, and I wonder if there’s a correlation with low intelligence.
If there is, then the monkey invasion will be a breeze.

A good description of the study can be found in the Daily Telegraph but you may need to register first before the site will let you in.

Gravity

As if to prove that it's not just Google who demonstrate moronic placements, scandal-hunters Holy Moly have unearthed a simply awful example of a radio show also getting it soooo wrong.
The news item relates to a well-covered story about a man who attempted suicide by jumping off a hotel balcony, taking his two children with him. Listen out for what follows.

Tags: Media; Morons; Violence

Women: men are only interested in your mind

To those of you fortunate enough not to be in the UK, the big political news story of the week is the fading power of our god-like Prime Minister who is (allegedly) being undermined by his Chancellor of the Exchequer.
Britain’s bestselling family newspaper, The Sun, continues with its tradition of featuring topless women on page 3.
The best bit is the little quote (“News in briefs”), supposedly by the model, that appears alongside. Yesterday’s gem:

Zoe was relieved that Tony Blair and Gordon Brown have finally ended their rift. She said “Hopefully they can get on with running the country and ending the bad blood. I think the whole bust up didn’t do them – or Labour – any favours.”

Over to a striking new press campaign for upmarket department store Harvey Nichols by agency DDB London.
What amuses me about these two items is that The Sun cheekily assumes that its unsophisticated male readers would bother to read model Zoe’s opinion when her assets are presented so prominently. On the other hand, any two blokes sophisticated enough to be fluttering in the same circles as a Harvey Nicks chick would obviously be so attracted to the shining light that is her mind. They must be Sun readers too.
And I didn’t even mention the word Tits once.

Two more Harvey Nichols ads from this campaign here and here.

Tags: Media; Naughty bits; Outdoor / press ads; Sex

Let's all laugh at the fat bloke

I’m in a shitty mood today, having finished two big pre-pitch projects which would normally have me happy. It’s my pissy deputy Dave who kicked things off. He declared that people like me who don’t refill the kettle after using it are demonstrating that they have fascist tendencies, whereas he always fills it to the brim after using it, the sanctimonious little socialist. As I pointed out, his altruistic habit is wasting energy and every time he brews up his tea he’s killing another cute Japanese water monkey, the butterfly effect probably making it boil in its own piss.
In the wake of this argument, one of my underlings played this ad on one of my command centre screens, causing much merriment to all except me.
This is the follow-up to Carlton Draught’s Big Ad. I can see how someone in a happy frame of mind might chuckle at this: fat blokes dancing are straight out of the old comedy rule book. If the protagonist were a fat woman you’d have the squeaky-buttocked PC police swooping down faster than the school bully on a ginger child. It ain’t as innovative as its predecessor though, and Flashdance is ancient history.

Agency: George Patterson Y&R

Tags: Dave, FMCG, Spoof, TV ads

Torn from the pages of the Book of Life!

She's on her fifth Smirnoff Ice and is shagging the taxi driver behind the local chippie, since you ask. I call it Life Experience.
A few minutes Googling and skimming through imdb reveals that these unlikely film posters are the real deal, advertising social dramas that are meant to terrify audiences into locking up their daughters and padlocking their own genitalia. It's amazing the human race managed to procreate at all.

Tags: Evil; Press / outdoor advertising; Sex

When your car is wankered

Imagine how you’d feel if you returned to your car to discover that someone had spray-painted this onto its gleaming white surface... and then found it was simply a peel-off guerrilla campaign.
Personally, I’d be inclined to fire my chauffeur for letting some scally get close to my wheels. I also expect that most plebs would be too pissed off to pay attention to the marketing or, at worst, would make a mental note to avoid the service being sold.
But it is eye-catching; more examples of unwanted motor decoration can be seen on Invisible Red, a Portuguese-language (with some English translation) guerrilla marketing blog.

Tags: Ambient gorilla; Bigging-up; Online

Disney gets Banksied

I nearly emitted a tiny splurt of laughter-induced weewee when I read this story this morning. Our national treasure, Banksy, has been up to his tricks again, this time leaving a life-size replica of a Guantanamo Bay detainee at one of the Disneyland rides. That this happened in California is curious: do the red-hot US immigration authorites not know the identity of this art terrorist? I dearly hope he attempts to leave one of his subversive stencils on the walls of the White House.

Tags: Culture; Politics, Spoof