February 11, 2008

Mongering the scares

You are vastly more intelligent than everyone else. Statistics prove that, amongst all internet users, regular blog readers have the highest IQs. That beats the regular hoi polloi of online gamers, porn surfers and Facebook addicts. In fact, you have better cognitive abilities than those without internet access. Every time you wander into an Asda store, the average IQ of all the shoppers goes up a couple of notches.
This plausible fact is brought to you by Bonobo Labs, the new media misinformation consultancy that operates from the third cubicle of the gentlemen’s toilets, Giraffe Towers, London.
Regular readers will know of my snarling contempt for the unwashed masses, a sentiment that has got stronger over the last week. I have been forced to try and calm down by leaving my basement media centre for a week to swing from my tyre as I try and ponder what the fuck has happened to this unwashed minging pissflap of a country.
Case #1. The ASA bans an ad campaign by a bunch of bullying medievel Christian fundamentalist homophobic fuckwits.
Case #2. The Archbishop of Canterbury, the harmless chalk-dusted, dictionary-swallowing yet slightly deluded uncle of Gandalf, makes an impenetrable statement about sharia law that is immediately interpreted as an invitation to Saudi Arabia’s Royal Executioner to set up a scaffold in Trafalgar Square.
Case #3. A government minister warns that the British Pakistani (i.e. Muslim) community inbreeds too much and is therefore prone to a high rate of genetic defects.
The three stories broke within four days of each other. Each was caused by misinformation, and minorities were victimised.
There’s a whiff of 1930s Germany in the way the British Muslim population is being portrayed as the (now inbred) enemy within. If you’re a non-Muslim then I would challenge you to think of the number of people you’ve met who have uttered Christian fundamentalist sentiments (in my case, I can easily go into double figures), and then do the same for the Muslims you know (about 15 Muslims in my social circle, none of whom have exposed themselves as suicide bombers).
Back to the first story, and as if to prove how utterly idiotic the ironically-abbreviated CCTV group is, their anti-gay point of view is shown to be nothing but scare-mongering when considering the report that gay marriages are falling anyway.
That story acts as a neat counterpoint to the utter implausibility of the sharia scare because one cannot perceive how such a court would cope with blessing a gay Muslim marriage.
In my megalomaniacal daydreams I have oftened wondered how I’d run the country after the monkey invasion. Looking dapper in my black uniform, I'll ensure that the first ones against the wall would be big-mouthed idiot politicians and media scaremongerers (possibly beginning with Daily Mail journalists and anyone related to Rupert Murdoch). After that, it’ll be free bananas for everyone.

3 comments:

Rob Mortimer said...

I'll vote for that.
Hope you get through the Primateries

Cleaver said...

Just out of interest FNC, what is it that most raises your ire about the CCTV ad?

Obviously the piece itself is obnoxious, offensive and stupid.

But that oughtn't to be a reason to censor it. It's the ASA ban that gets my goat.

I'd have thought this was the was the perfect example of sunshine being the best disinfectant.

The tone of the ad is so shrill, the worldview it betrays so closeminded and the attempted emotional manipulation so naked that it really only works to persuade one to the opposite viewpoint.

Why not let the rednecks score an own goal?

FishNChimps said...

Thanks for your comment cleaver. What gets my goat is the attempt by one group of people to inflict their religion-inspired moral code on others. You may be right about the censorship issue, but I'd be amused if the CCTV bunch accused the ASA of being godless family-hating gays, which I imagine must have been their first reaction.