Brain mash

I like to kid myself that I'm a mean and moody fucker, someone you don't want to mess with. I even use Viagra eye drops to make me look hard. But this illusion is shattered most Saturday evenings when I squirm at the pretend blood on Casualty (an improbable hospital drama on BBC1), or on Thursdays when House's patients succumb to exploding eyes and lungs leaking out of their noses. Retch.
This fucking disgusting ad has been gracing the morning papers for several weeks, and I'm sure CHI decided to deliberately target the hard nuts who laugh at blood and guts on the telly, because there's no way I'm buying Britvic's new mineral water. I will forever associate it with leaking brains.
I know that's not what the ad intended, but then again I now associate Smirnoff with the taste of seawater.
I'm starting to hear voices in my head too.