August 22, 2007

Gang fight

Blimey, I'm filmed out. Yesterday I took chimplet #3 (6 y/o, pink model) to see the Bratz movie and today it was the turn of chimplet #2 (9 y/o, blue model) to go to the flicks to see the latest Harry Potter.
Which one did I enjoy the most?
Yes, you know my contrariness well enough to know it was the Bratz.
I was expecting nothing from this film, other than the knowledge I'd be zoning out for 2 hours while the little boss was absorbed by the antics of four characters based on a popular range of large-headed dolls. I felt the bile rising at the opening shots of the too-cheerful girls coordinating their too-big wardrobes via too-high bandwidth laptops. Christ, I wanted to kill these annoying shits but was surprised to find myself enjoying their rebellious antics as they took on a teenage nazi Christina Aguillera control freak who ran their high school. I did feel a little uncomfortable as the only 40-something male in the theatre watching teenage girls do stretchy things in tight clothes on the screen, but the audience were too into the action to notice me.
There's so much wrong with the movie (my main complaint being that the "poor" member of the Bratz quartet who seemed to have more material wealth than your average Basildon pikey after a raid on Santa's warehouse, but who am I to comment on the Hollywood underclass?), but it won me over by being not as awful as I expected. Jon Voight's prosthetic nose was utterly brilliant.
As for old Hazza. What the fuck was all that about? I'm trying to figure how old the magical gang is supposed to be. Let me see, Harry gets killed when he's 18, which is two more stories away which means that here, in the latest movie, he must be 16-ish. It's on record that the actor is way older than that now. 31 and shagging horses on stage, last I heard.
There was a bit of Helen Bonham Carter - where did she disappear too? What the bloody hell was that Arch business about? Who was that trippy blonde girl who appeared from nowhere to become a major-ish character (and a damn sight more interesting than Hermione).
The last film was good, but my raised expectations for this one were dashed by a story that fizzled from one direction to another.
Utter bollocks.
Bratz winz.


Charles Frith said...

This is what I call a proper review.

NoillyP said...

If they edited it together you could take both chimplets at the same time. Harry Potter and the Order of the Aguilerra's anyone?

FishNChimps said...

ha! but the middle one would be terrified of the bratz