How to waste time finding a mate

Scientists have revealed six steps to follow for men or women to land the perfect partner, by making themselves more attractive to the opposite sex. I remain baffled at the effort invested by humans - for top bananas like me a well-thrown piece of fruit (or if she's a stunner, a small lump of poo) works every time. When one of my women shows herself like this strumpet, pictured, then she's only after one thing.