September 28, 2007

Hoot toot

I'm amused by this Wonderbra ad for the Malaysian market. It remains true to the brand while avoiding offending Islamic sensibilities. Even so, there's a touch of the Benny Hills about it.


Still on the subject of chest holsters, I note with curiosity how China has forbidden TV networks showing ads for "push-up bras and figure-hugging underwear ahead of a major Communist Party meeting next month."
This gives me the excuse to link to an old feature.

September 26, 2007

Dieting to death

These images greeted readers on page 3 of last night's Evening Standard. The model is a 27 year-old anorexic who weighs just under 5 stone, and she features on posters erected in Milan as the city runs its fashion week.
The campaign is backed by the Italian government and by a fashion house. The pictures are truly shocking, but although they might change the public view of the fashion industry's long-standing love affair with size zero models, I do wonder if they'll affect anorexics who, after all, already suffer from a distorted body image.
The Nolita campaign is backed by a website.

September 24, 2007

Sweet and creamy

Holy Mary, there she was again, crushing garlic cloves in a way that guaranteed a boob shot. Plenty of "Mmmmms" and "I love the way it bulges over the sides" and "Look at the way the cream dribbles."
Nigella Lawson's up to her food porn tricks again, aided by a shaky-handed cameraman with an overactive zoom lens.
Still, I'm not complaining, although I always take a dislike to the imported friends populating her garden who always seem to have just popped in. Funny how hubby Charles Saatchi is never there too. Apparently he hates her cooking. I'm not kidding.
There's definitely a bit more of Nigella on the screen this year, which is good. But there's also a little bit too much of something else. One of tonight's recipes involved tipping a pile of chicken thighs into a pan. Was that a flash of Waitrose on the packet? What? Not the same Waitrose that's owned by John Lewis? Not the same John Lewis that stocks Nigella Lawson Bread Bins, Nigella Lawson Measuring Spoons and a handful of other Nigella Lawson goodies that look remarkably like the utensils stocking the kitchen? Not the same kitchen from which Nigella presents her BBC (advertising-free, according to the rules) show?
Well, what the heck, I'm not complaining cos I've got a soft spot for Nigella, especially as she officially an enemy of the numpty public. Apparently, Nigella's recipes are too complicated and her writing style too clever for your average Brit-educated fuckwit. That just shows you how far we've fallen.
Don't ask me why I was there, but I happened to be in a Tesco Express in Basildon (pikey capital of Essex) at the weekend, when it struck me that there is a good measure for the general fuckwittedness of an area.
It works like this. Patrol the supermarket aisles, particularly those that stock home cooking staples such as flour, oils and so forth. Work out the average number of people in these aisles.
Then go to the ready meals aisle and count.
In Basildon the ratio was about 15:2 in favour of the spotty chavs piling their trolleys with 4-minute microwave meals. Somehow I can't imagine these fuckers know how to hold a cookery book, let alone try and read it.
Nigella, keep using the long words.

See also: 500th post: agency anecdote

September 21, 2007

Cold bites

Whoda thunk it: a smutty ad from Germany? Mind you, this is the country that gave us advertising for Independence cigars. This NSFW ad combines boobage with toothpaste.

September 19, 2007

Love the hate

I'm muchly enjoying the waterfall of vitriol gushing from ADam - Creative Director, spotted in Copyranter's link haze last week. Utterly hysterical.
Random quote:

"Adam spends the morning letching over a female freelancer who is wearing jeans lower than a crackhead’s morals. So low, in fact, her clitoris pops out like a puppy dog’s nose hiding in a travel bag."
Required reading for anyone foolish enough to want to get into advertising.

Colouring books

The 2006/07 Football Association Yearbook has just been published. The following pages are reserved for use by the England team.
Yes, I know I'm regurgitating an old joke.
Just look at those hairy armpits.

Ads for HP by Publicis Romania. Found on Ads of the World

September 17, 2007

The public

The great British public. You know who that is, don't you? Yes, it's everybody else. It's not your family or your mates, but it is that amorphous mass three or four times removed from you whose collective IQ is several points below that of the average Daily Express reader.
Christ, we're supposed to advertise to those fuckwits who swallow every lie told in the Madeleine McCann "story", and who are now queueing outside branches of Northern Rock, waiting to withdraw their cash from the otherwise solvent bank. Why can't selling cars, chocolate bars, clothes and shampoo be as easy as that?
To a financial services company, there's no consumer action more devastating than a mind virus that compels the average numpty to ditch logic and then cut and run.
Before you sympathise with these tits, consider the exasperated Northern Rock staff interviewed on BBC radio this morning. They weren't showing worry over their increasingly shaky job prospects, but over the idiotic, self-destructive mindset of their customers.
The majority of people in these queues had savings of just a few thousand pounds. According to British banking law, the first £2,000 of a customer's savings are 100% guaranteed. If the bank goes under and you have £2,000 in there, then you get it all back. After that, the next £33,000 is 90% guaranteed. Most of these panic-stricken lemmings were withdrawing savings well below that limit, meaning that the penalty clauses meant to prevent early withdrawal from higher interest savings accounts were kicking in. In other words they were paying to get their money out quickly.
It's easy to blame the media. And yes, the penalty issue should have been explained better, as well as the implications of a competitor taking over the bank. But you can explain 'til you're blue in the face when collective numptyism takes over.
It's enough to make you weep.

Sluts in shoes

You'd probably wonder what a forty-something male who is at least a foot too short for his weight would know about women's shoes. No, I don't go to those sort of parties, but I do have a six year-old chimplet, pink variety, with a footwear habit that would put Imelda Marcos to shame.
Using a six year-old to draw conclusions about several million adult females may seem like a very dodgy weighting measure, but anyone who has manipulated TGI to prove that 2+2=5 will know that you can make truth mean whatever you want it to mean.
I therefore count myself an expert, and casting my professorial eye across these wonderfully detailed print ads by Lowe Brazil, would say that they're bang on the money.
OK, turning your pantheon of fairytale princesses into sluts isn't new, but giving them that dangerous edge while flaunting Melissa's flamboyant shoe range is kind of fun.
The truly sobering thought is that those of us bringing up our own little princesses know that the little madams are going to grow up, and we don't want them seeing ads like these.

via Ads of the World

September 13, 2007

This, this and this is disgusting. And this too.

I am, as you are aware, an ardent feminist. I abhor smut in all its forms, and think the female body should be modestly covered at all times.
It was therefore with great satisfaction that I was able to read this article in the Guardian. The writer was justifiably appalled at the pressures that compel seemingly sensible, intelligent and ambitious celebrity women to strip off for magazines.
I found it particularly useful that the Guardian illustrated the story by showing the sort of images that disgust us here, here and here...

and here, here, here and here too.
Jolly helpful of them.

Spotted in Private Eye

September 12, 2007

Now that fox hunting is banned

I really, really want to see this in London. Preferably at about 11 on a Friday evening, in Peckham. Or New Cross.

Found on Flickr

September 11, 2007

You will face the consequences

Ploughing through boxed sets of 24, the only frustration is those unavoidable piracy warnings. We all know about ad avoiders - but these fucking annoying inserts prior to each bloody episode don't just make me walk away for two minutes - they make me want to get my copying software out and mail self-pirated DVDs to 20th Century Fox.
So hallelujah for this snippet from last Friday's IT Crowd: the most frightening anti-piracy warning you'll ever watch.

September 10, 2007

Sharp cuts

One odious duty necessary to a trends guru such as myself is flicking through the magazines. Some of the lads' mags are a bit like The Sun newspaper - the number of minutes taken to read them is directly disproportionate (is that a word?) to your intelligence. The quicker you are at reading them, the cleverer you are. Don't be distracted by the boobage or the pictures of gaping wounds, and you'll survive the experience.
GQ is an exception. There's some good stuff in there. Even the ads are good(ish). Go to Nuts or Loaded and the ads are more puerile. GQ is heavier with more serious fashion stuff.
We know that media buyers are influenced by a magazine's editorial content, but do the ads effect the mood of the mag?
When I finished my first flick through October's GQ, I tried to remember the ads. There was a general haze in my mind of serious-looking pretty boys and barely recognisable A- and B-list celebs. There's an impression that the pretty boys are challenging someone off camera to a fight, but you know these fellas wouldn't survive a pint of Babycham, never mind a ruck.
So these are the ones that stood out, probably in a good way...
Excellent. GQ-meanness, but with a sword! I love to see swords, cos I'm a bit geekish and there's a Highlander vibe. Cracking film. Sword... Sharp suit... Geddit? There's probably a subliminal big cock reference here too. Bet this feller owns a D&G Motorola Razr phone. Mind you, sit there too long and you'll get a damp arse.

Fuck the togs and the unlikely pose for someone sitting down, but just take a look at young Josef Stalin here, absolutely pissed off that his train's late. When the revolution comes, watch out lawyers and train drivers.

Shit! I've been shot! A bit dark to make out the details, but you don't need a close-up. Just look at that sharp knee-forehead diagonal line. That's one mean cut.

The hat makes this bloke look a bit of a dick, but I still love this one. Her tits were this big, he's chuckling to himself. A departure to have a happy model in the men's fashion pages, as well as a distraction to draw the eye to his hands. To me this says: be happy, be dirty, be scruffy and you'll have something fun to hold very soon.

Lesson: Don't be mean. Be different. Tell a story.

See also:
You're making me wet, grandma
Fashion labels
How to get beaten up in London
Sunglasses: best of three

September 06, 2007

Crap ad joke

You see a hot girl at a party and decide to walk up to her. You say “I’m incredible in bed!”
That’s direct marketing.
You see a hot girl at a party with a bunch of friends, but you get one of your friends to talk to her and tell her you’re incredible in bed.
That’s advertising.
You see a hot girl at a party, walk up to her, get her number, then phone her the next day to tell her you’re incredible in bed.
That’s telesales.
You see a hot girl at a party, walk up to her, offer her to pour her a drink, give her a ride home after the party, then open her front door for her. Then slip in the fact that – by the way – you’re incredible in bed.
That’s public relations.
You see a hot girl at a party, but she walks up to you and whispers “I hear you’re fantastic in bed!”
That’s brand recognition.

Spotted in FHM

September 05, 2007

Give us more coke-snorting cocks

There's a strong vein of mischief in the Harvey Nichols brand which I'm rapidly beginning to enjoy. Once it thought itself posh (in a crusty aunt sort of way) but it's starting to behave like Harrods' naughty niece. The moody cats were fun, and the surreal models slightly disturbing, but this, what appears to be a viral, is very, very clever and I think will take several views to really appreciate.

September 04, 2007

Hot air from Pooh Corner

This piece of green propaganda seriously annoys me. It's a leftover from the Live Earth jamboree (cost = several zillion gigawatts of electricity), and uses cow shit to create an association in your mind between excrement, farts and eating flesh in order to turn you into a veggie. I have no problem with salad murderers (Chimplet #2 has been one for over a year, bless him) but if we were meant to be vegetarian, then why are animals made of meat, eh?

September 03, 2007

Shock as Cadbury uses gorilla advertising

C'mon, of course I was going to feature this. It's got a freakin' monkey in it, and it's about chocolate. What's not to like?
Friday evening saw the passing of the latest series of that moronic waste of time, Big Brother, but it also heralded the breaking of this ad by Fallon and Publicis (please - no accusations of favouritism here from those who know me), with a nice piss-take of Dad Rock. I particularly liked Brand Republic's header for this story "Cadbury risks Phil Collins revival with gorilla drummer", but I also like the tacit acknowledgement that this brand is enjoyed by blokes as well as women. In the past, Dairy Milk's advertising has been either feminine or gender neutral. This is an ad for lads of the Nuts generation. Seemingly pointless, but funny.
Campaign's Private View is gonna hate it.